Sounds of Someday (Supernatural)

Chapter Nine

Song of the Chapter: Pity Party by Melanie Martinez

After the fight, or what she would call a fight, happened in the orchid, Skyla stayed to herself. She refused to speak to anyone, since she felt like if she said anything, she'd most likely say something mean. She didn't want to start another fight, so she stayed silent the entire time.

Once she and Dean had gotten out of the orchid, and the couple who tied them up happened to be taken by the God, they were able to leave and head to the next hunt. Sam was with them for the next one, but Skyla refused to participate, other than doing research. She didn't want to be stuck in a situation like the orchid again, mostly because she didn't want to be stuck in a tense situation with Dean again.

She was slowly trying to understand what went wrong between her and Dean. She was wanting to figure out how John had so easily separated them. She was wanting to know why Dean had followed the man so blindly. She was wanting to know why John had felt so aggravated towards her, almost as if she had been personally attacking him.

The girl realized that there was a chance Dean had most likely followed John so blindly because of the way he was raised. John had raised him and Sam like soldiers. She knew that the boys had been treated unfairly, but she never said anything about it. She kept her mouth shut, so John wouldn't hate her, yet he seemed to anyway.

She didn't know why he hated her. She never really gave him a reason to. She went on hunts, she never gave up, and she fought hard to save people like everyone else. John just couldn't see past something, and she wasn't sure what it was. She never did anything wrong to him, she was just herself, but it seemed he didn't like who she was.

While living with Sam and Jessica, Skyla would often think of her past with Dean. She missed him often, but she stayed away like she had promised him and herself. She wasn't going to allow her grief to take over her life. The problem was, she was slowly letting her grief take over. It was hard to control, especially recently as she was living with Sam and Dean.

The night that Jessica died, Skyla felt a pain in her heart that worried her. She missed Jessica, but the real issue was, she wasn't only sad about Jessica dying, she was feeling the pain because she was scared of losing Dean in the same way. Though she wasn't with Dean, she still cared for him immensely. She wouldn't be surprised if she loved him for the rest of her life. He was the love of her life, and she was sure of it, which is why it hurt so much when he had broken up with her.

She wanted to forgive him for what had happened. She wanted to put everything behind her. She wanted to pretend like she didn't feel the pain of their breakup anymore, but that was a lie. She was sure she would always feel the pain, even if they did clear the air, and possibly even had a relationship again. There was a chance she would always have that little voice in her head telling her there was a chance that Dean may possibly break her heart again out of the blue like he had before.

Skyla felt pressured when it came to her and Dean's relationship. She wished she had someone to talk to, but she didn't. She would talk to Sam, if it wasn't for the fact that Sam could accidently tell his brother things Skyla wanted to keep secret. It was something she had to get use to, so she often kept her feelings to herself, unless she absolutely couldn't hold them in anymore.

When Jessica was around, the two girls would talk and discuss their feelings and such. Right before she died, Jessica had been talking to Skyla, and was trying to get her to slowly forgive Dean. She believed that Skyla had suffered enough, and needed to let herself heal. When she healed, she'd be able to forgive herself for letting Dean go so easily, and she'd be able to forgive Dean for breaking up with her on John's orders.

As she stayed alone in the hotel, waiting on the boys to get back from investigating, she began to think about all the things she and Jessica use to talk about. She was slowly realizing that maybe Jessica was right. Maybe she needed to forgive herself and Dean. She was tired of being angry all the time. She was tired of feeling overly emotional, or emotionally tired and frustrated. She was tired of it, and she wanted to finally let it all go.

Taking a deep breath, Skyla closed her eyes and felt her emotions starting to fade. She was slowly feeling like she should've felt for a long time. She let all the anger, sadness, and regret fade away from her system, and she willed it to stay as far away as possible. She didn't want it to come back, and she was determined to let the good emotions fully come through like they had been trying to do for years.

Her final decision had come. She was going to forgive herself for being so angry and upset for such a long time. She was going to forgive the universe for putting so many things on her shoulders, even though she had felt like she couldn't carry anymore. She forgave Sam for not trying to make the two work it out, even though she knew she would've kicked his ass if he tried. Finally, she decided she was going to forgive Dean for breaking her heart, and following John so blindly. The only problem that really seemed to come back was the fact that she knew she could never forgive John. He had hurt her too much, and she was not going to forgive him for it...