The mind of a teenage fuck up

Chapter 1

I guess I should intro this a bit, this is basically a diary in all honesty. A journal to get down all my thoughts and feelings through out life I guess. My name's Lindsay (yes it's my real name, no ones probably gonna read this so I don't give a shit if you know my name I will however change the names of anyone else mentioned) I'm 15 years old, I live in Texas. Well I guess I live in Texas, I've grown up here my whole life but I'm moving next week to Colorado. You'd think my parents would have wanted to consult me on the whole moving situation, but I guess they don't care about my social life and my "fragile emotional state" quote my therapist. But hey I got on varsity cheerleading at my new school so (according to my mom) that makes up for leaving all my friends behind. In all honesty I don't care all that much about leaving my friends. I guess I was never that close with any of them. Over the course of the entire year I hung out with a friend once. Despite me being part of the so called "popular crowd" I was never included in that much. I just kinda floated around, which is fine I guess. I liked watching the drama from the side lines, listening and learning everyone's secrets. I probably know Almost everything about anyone, that's probably why they keep me around. So I can give them enough gossip to sustain their boring pointless lives. They thrive on gossip and drama. Sometimes I consider quitting cheerleading, smudge on some black eyeshadow, throw on a My Chemical Romance T-shirt and join the emo kids who sit at the back of the cafeteria near the trash cans. Just so I don't have to deal with their constant catty-ness. The one person I will miss however, is my boyfriend. (we'll call him Brandon for the sake of some privacy) He is honestly the most amazing guy I've ever met. When he first asked me out I thought it was just for the cliché of it all. The Football star and cheer captain, I mean it was bound to happen. I thought he was just a conceited jerk who would fuck me and then leave me high and dry, but that's not what happened. I can confidently say that we are genuinely in love. And I know what you think "you're 15 what do you know about love". I know that he is the right guy for me. He's the one I can call at 4 am when I'm having an anxiety attack, and he'll pick up and even come over if I need him to help me calm down. He's my rock in the raging storm. And it kills me when I have to lie to him about Ana. He thinks I'm free from her grip, but her claws are still sinking into my back. Reminding me I can always be skinnier, and telling me I'm fat. I could tell him about how every bite is torture And how I'll sometimes fast for 6 days at a time, but I don't want to worry him. He's already has to worry about my anxiety disorder, and depression. I can't burden him with anymore of my issues. I guess this is long enough to to be a "chapter" but I'll keep updating almost daily, with chapters about specific subjects and maybe just random shit. Thanks for taking your time to read!