I've always been anxious about phone calls but especially now when it comes to you.
The time difference doesn't help because there's always something about the early morning hours that make everything much scarier than it is
I wonder what it's like when it's 3AM there and all you can hear are the beeping machines keeping you alive?
I wonder if you can even hear them.
Because I hear them in my head, and even if I'm not there, I keep picturing you alone in that room.
Do you realize how alone you are or are you dreaming beautiful dreams while asleep?
I hope you don't forget our faces even in these most difficult times
I hope you hear our voices even if it is just your imagination
I'm afraid for you to wake up and realize that there's nobody by your side
I'm afraid that the loneliness is what will hurt you the most
If we could all walk across oceans, you know we would be there in a heartbeat
Instead, we are all just hear settling with racing hearts, waiting for each update through emails and notifications
With every word on the screen, I am most afraid of reading the words "gone" and "passed away"
I am most afraid of living this world, knowing that you have gone while suffering alone, all the pain endured on your own
I haven't forgiven you for all the wrong things said at the wrong time
But those things feel so small with the idea of cancer slowly destroying every piece of you inside and out
And as much as I want to be able to prove you wrong and show you how much better I am than what you think
I don't want to do it at the expense of your prolonged pain and suffering
I hope it is not as bad as we think it is
That the machines don't really make sounds disturbing your sleep
I hope your pillow is warm and that you don't realize you are alone
I hope your dreams keep you comfort in the form of me, my sister, my brother, and mom
Because when it all ends, despite how much it hurts to be your daughter, I hope you don't feel the loneliness that we are all feeling now
YOU ARE READING
Tales of the Sleep Deprived
PoesíaWhile stuck in her little room in the bustling life of Metro Manila, Pam decided she has had enough. Even the greed of corporations or the trope of being a starving artist could no longer prevent her passion from shining through. Powered by her caff...
