Letters unsent

Abigail 3.

Tw: mention of sh/suicide

Dearest Abigail,

Iv'e known you for a little less than 6 or 7 months, on and off. We've had our disagreements and even when I never wanted to see you again my memories with you were pure bliss. I don't know where you are right now or how you're feeling. If you like the gift i got you or if you will ever be able to read this, that all is for the future. Did you ever manage to find peace? Where am I in all of this? Were you able to let go? Is it september 3rd yet? I know I promised not to try to kill myself again because I saw how badly it hurt you. It's very hard t0 balance all the shit and also pretend everything's fine. You're 15 now, how is it? I know I'm younger but I'll try and take care of you so you won't have to worry that pretty little head of yours about a thing, okay? I'll listen as much as I can and I won't think about all the other boys that listen to you. I wonder how many people ask you how you are doing after school and if they are different from me. I thought about how I knew you were fucked up and I think it's because you were friends with David. Do you like the playlist I made for you? You don't like anything about me, right? Except that I give you attention? Don't worry I don't mind that much, i just think it's important you know. We're really fucked up but I love our little fucked up love story. It's ours and it was pretty fucking special to me. I still cut, trying not too but i bought new blades. Go outside a lot and I cook a lot. I wanna cook pancakes for you one day, with blueberries. I wanna have our own apartment, with 2 cats. If we live together I'll make pancakes for you everyday. We'll go on walks together, maybe get a cat harness for our cats so they can walk too. Most importantly Abigail I wan't to dream with you, the same way I dream about you. I wan't to sit next to you and talk about who we are, who we are and who we want. Your really special Abigail, happy 15th.

Yours truly.

P.S. I still don't know if you love me