it's whatever you want it to be

tell me where we go from here

A/N- I understand that we make our own misery
Gerard's pov
My mouth tastes like beer and throw up. My head was spinning like crazy and I was breathing really heavily. Wait no that wasn't me. I sat up to see Frank face first in a pillow he was struggling to breath right. I straed at him for a bit wondering how things would be different if he wasn't here he gasped and that pulled me back to him. I quickly turned him over.
"mm" he cried out before opening his eyes and staring straight at me. I smiled at him
"goodmor-" I cut him off connecting our lips. I felt him smirk and then I felt his tongue against mine. It was warm slowly moving against mine. It made me blush and I pulled away. He sighed.
" sorry" I blushed. He nodded "coffee?" I asked
"do you need to ask"
"cigerette?" I questioned
"coffee and cigarettes are my only escape" he smiled back at me.
****************
I know Vic and Oliver get mad when we smoke but one cigerette now and then won't kill me (yet) right? I looked at Frank as he inhaled he took deep breaths as if everyone was his last. I don't understand how sometimes things make so much sence then the next it's like the most impossible thing to understand. It's like I only sometimes want Frank to love me and hug me and kiss me and then suddenly I don't what him to touch me. WTF! How can someone be so confused. And if Frank's mom ever found out about this about anything really she would go all religious on Frank. Say that there was a demon in him or some bullshit like that. Whatever I guess im over thinking everything again. I took a drink from my coffee.
"tell me what you want us to be" I finally said
"well If you wanted honesty that's all you had to say" he replied " I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way" I was In shock I wasn't expecting this from him
"really" I looked at him locking our eyes.
"yes"
***********
Vic had called me and told us to come over so we went to his house at once since he said it was important.
I was sat in Vic's couch with Frank on my lap happily biting my neck every now and then as if to remind me he was there. How could I forget him he's so Dam cute. Vic came out of the hall with the biggest grin on his face ever.
"guess who it's single" he jumped around the living room like an idiot. Just to be a dick and also to tell him me and Frank are now dating I said
"me" and kissed Frank. Hes eyes widend and his grin got even bigger
"guys that's awesome you guys are so perfect for each other it's crazy-well you guys take me to gay bars yes that would be sweet. And yes parades I can run naked and be free" me and Frank brust out laughing what the hell is he on about I swear This dude lives in a world of his own its crazy.
"no we won't take you you're not gay and who did you get with you weirdo" I asked. He gave me a weird look and smiled
"ori" he said in a fuck yeah way.
****************
Me and Frank sat on my bed he was falling asleep slowly. He'd randomly look at me and smile.
"hey so we're together right" I asked scard of his anwsure. He looked at me and sat up
"I guess I mean if you want to I don't mind" he said. How could he say that not even an hour ago he said he never wanted me to leave now he doesn't care. I guess he saw the look of hurt on my face because next he said "Gee I do like you I just don't  know" he pused "I'm scared" he looked down " tell me where we go from here"