Few More Reasons To Live

chapter 24

TANISHKA'S POV

I am in my bed It's 2:30 right now and I can't sleep , After mateo left I took my pills but it looks like that sleeping pills are good for nothing ..... I am just  turning right to left - left to right in bed .... okkk enough now I will do something , It's exhausting  to just lay down on bed waiting for sleep and sleep never come  .

The night is beautiful but my mind is too restless , sleepless nights is the reminder that I  am not that much happy that much I think I am , I am not in peace , I can pretend to be strong and happy that every think is fine with me in daylights in front of every one but at night I know who I am how much broken I am. Night is a thief stealing the precious hours of my rest and rejuvenation and I am again left with my sadness , grief , pain , emptiness , the night is the reminder of the loneliness that comes with sleeplessness ...

 what should I do , ohh I wish mateo come soon so I can irritate him , I don't even know when will he come , what else I can do , should  I go and check on him , he said he will be in library and if I need or wanna talk I can come to library and talk to him should I go no no no he will think I am missing him , yeah I am missing him so what he will never know ,  what else I can do except missing him ahh my guitar , should I sing .....

 Ohh Its so long I forgot when I sang last time should I try today nobody is here and mateo will not come so no one will hear me, let's try ,  yeah this is my escapism , when my thoughts become wild and I can't handle it I escape it by doing thigs I like , today in mall what happened it triggered my trauma and then my mateo he suffered so much , no one deserves that , okkk no more thinking lets play guitar yeah its raining and singing with guitar it will.....

Mateo's room is beautiful its beyond perfection walls are painted with dark but elegant colours its a mixture of black , brown and the borders are painted with lavender ,  in the middle is his king size bed in which I am sitting right now observing every single detail of his room there walk in closet , bathroom which is equal of his room's size who need that much space for bathing there is this window, outside is forest , but its beautiful the sound of rain and the smell of wet sand near window is a comfy chair on which you can sit and enjoy the view of moonlight and star light falling on trees its beautiful so I take my guitar and sit on the chair but the question is what should I sing  .... 

Main hoon gumsum tu bhi khamosh hai Sach hai samay ka hi sab dosh hai

Dhadkan dhadkan ik gam rehta haiHo..

jaane kyyn phir bhi dil kehta hai Jee le zara, jee le zara Kehta hai dil, jee le zara
Aye humsafar, aye humnawaaz
Aa paas aa, jee le zara
Hai zindagi mana dard bhari Phir bhi is mein yeh raahat bhi hai Phir dil ke dil se, pul kyu toote hain Kyun hum jeene se itne roothe hainAa dil ke darwaaze hum khole Ho.. aa hum dono jee bhar ke ro lein Jee le zara, jee le zara Kehta hai dil, jee le zara Aye humsafar,
aye humnawaaz Aa paas aa

Jeene ke liye sochaa hi nahi
Dard sambhaalane honge
Muskuraaye to muskuraane ke Karz utarne honge Ho muskuraun kabhi to lagta hai Jaise honthon pe karz rakha hai Tujhse naraz nahin zindagi Hairaan hoon mainO hairaan hun main
Zindagi tere gam ne hamein Rishte naye samajhaye eeeaaaa

Risthon Ki Galiyaan Tang HaiSharmo Sharmliee Band HaiKhud Se Khud Ki Yeh Kaise Jung HaiPal Pal Yeh Dil GhabrayePal Pal Yeh Dil SharmayeKuch Kehta Hai Aur Kuch Kar JaayeKaise Yeh Peheli.. Muh Dil Mar Jana..Ishq Mein Jaldi Bada Jurmaana 

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Ab Tere Bina Yahan Meri Saansein Jaise Bina Nindiya Ki Raatein Hai Toh Aur Tu Hi Mere Dil Ki Raza Hai Tere Bina Dil Bhi Khafa Hai Toh...

Teri Khushiyon Ki Khaatir Yeh Duniya Main Meri Ek Pal Mein Vaar Doon Main Ab
Bikhari Teri Yeh Zulfon Se Aankhein Teri Jab Dikhti Hain Dikhta Hai Mujhe Woh Aasmaan Ki Kholun Pankh Main Mere Udd Jaaun Main Kho Jaaun Main Iss Aasmaan Mein Patangon Ki Tarah Haan Haan Haan