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After Zac's confession sleep doesn't come easy and it's not from a lack of effort. Who the hell just goes around saying shit like that? Now here I am lying with his warm body wrapped around mine, heavy rain pouring outside, and we'd even left the balcony doors slightly open to let in the breeze.
"I can feel you thinking," Zac whispers, kissing my neck from behind me, his bare chest pressed snuggly against my back. It makes no sense how comfortable I feel having him this close to me.
"Just thinking about how good this feels," I say and his arms tighten around me. It's as if he's trying to protect me from the other thoughts swirling around in my mind.
"Is that all?"
"No, but I don't want to dwell on it right now," I murmur, turning my head slightly to get a look at him. The moonlight funnelling in from outside the balcony doors is just enough for me to do just that. His eyes are closed, but there's a closed mouth smile on his face.
"Why are you smiling?"
"Am I smiling?" he asks, eyes opening slowly. "I didn't realize it."
"Can I ask you something?" I ask as Zac lifts his hand and rests it on the side of my face, then uses his thumb to gently stroke my cheek. The intimacy in that alone makes me weak.
"Ask me anything."
"You said something inside of you recognizes something inside of me and I guess I'm just wondering when that happened because I kinda felt like you avoided me every chance you got. This new version of you that wants to dick me down and spend time with me? It's going to take some getting used to."
He chuckles softly, "You cloaked that huh?"
"Kinda hard to miss,"
"You want the truth?"
"Always."
"It's not a new version of me. It's the real me. I'm just not holding back anymore."
"Why were you in the first place?"
"From the first time we met, you had my attention, and then we talked and I knew I was fucked. So because I didn't want to be a grimy friend I kept my distance cause there was no way I could hang out with you and not catch feelings. So to answer your question nothing's changed with how I see and think about you but there's nothing in the way of us getting to know each other properly."
I didn't realize how much I needed to hear that until he said it. I pout, "How come you never said anything?"
"What was I supposed to say? Hey Fatima I know you're with my boy but I think you'd be better off with me."
"Yes actually,"
"You and I both know you wouldn't have gone for that. You're barely going for this."
