Everlasting Fear

You Wont Feel A Thing

•Songs mentioned in this story highly recommended for listening for better reading •

What doesn't kill you, mutates and tries again. I stared at the dark red inked words on the flyer that had been tapped a bunch of times on the outside window of the large building. "Are you going to just stand there or go in?" my mother asked. She stood a few feet from me avoiding eye contact and fiddling with one of the flyers in her hands. "I don't know if this is a good idea," I whispered. My mother's head snapped in my direction with a deep scowl on her wrinkled face, "You don't get the luxury of thinking, we need the money. Get in there already, Quinn." She clapped her hands together, "Chop, chop. Get a move on, we don't have all day. I'd like to get home before dinner time."

I sighed, pulling the handle; I opened the door. I could feel my mother's hand pressed against the middle of my back, pushing me forward. I nearly tripped over my own feet. She pushed into my back again, forcing me forward and slap dab straight into the information desk. "Hello, my daughter is here as a willing participant for the important—" the lady behind the desk smacked her lips, chewing furiously on a piece of gum she quirked her overly waxed brow and snorted, "Yeah, yeah. Just take a seat and fill out this form."

"Rude much," my mother whispered as we took a seat in old worn-out cushion chairs in the lobby. She snatched the clipboard and pen from my hand, "Don't even bother trying to fill it out, you'll just mess it up." I was going to say something but chose not to. Keeping my mouth sealed shut I looked around the lobby while my mother did the paperwork. "Do you know just by getting jabbed a bunch of times, we'd be getting paid 30k?!," my mother shrieked with joy. "Oh yes, while I'm the Guinea pig, you and dad will be living the high life. "

My mother's eyes burned into my skull as she stared me down with hatred, "You owe us, Quinn. For twenty-three years we've had to take care of you and waste our money on your health and well-being." I cocked my head, "So it's my fault you had to do your duty as parents to care for your child? " She was about to open her mouth to let more vicious words slip out until an older man in a white lab coat approached us. "Good evening, Ms. Blake." He adjusted his barely held together glasses. "Everything has been filled out and signed, when does she start?" my mother joyously asked.

I rolled my eyes. Why have a child in the first place if you're so eager to get rid of me. "Right now." I stared at the doctor as he gave my mother a signed check with a huge smile on his face. "Are you even a real certified doctor? Or just one of those 'I watch medical shows' doctors, "I said through gritted teeth, my eyes burned into his as he turned to look at me. "I'm a 100% real top-quality doctor that specializes in this type of medical work," he said, the edge of his mouth twitched. "I don't care if you were a clown in a lab coat, as long as I get my money and she's out of my hair that's all that matters to me." I watched as my mother abruptly stood from her seat and adjusted her purse strap over her shoulder, with one last glance at me she turned and beelined for the door.

So much for a goodbye or a I love you, huh mother? "Wouldn't be the first time seeing a family member be eager to toss one of their own away for the sake of paying off a debt." I looked up at the doctor. He shrugged his shoulders, "Just stating the truth." I groaned. "Well then, let's go meet the others. Shall we?" I shrugged and stood up. I followed the doctor down the hall. "It won't take long; you'll be out of here in no time." He sounded cheerful, too cheerful. I slipped my earbuds from my pocket and slipped them in my ears, I followed the doctor down various halls explaining what went on in the rooms, scrolling through my playlist on my phone I clicked on Voices by Hidden Citizens. I silently sang the lyrics, " let me introduce you to my madness." I followed mister lab coat, who was too oblivious to the fact that I didn't hear a word he was saying.

He carried on giving me a tour of the establishment; I watched as his hands and arms flung about in the air like limp noodles. I scanned the rooms as we walked past, one of them had a young child sitting in a chair getting her ears and eyes checked. "Like needles in my veins," I continued singing the next song, Painless by Fozzy. It felt like hours had passed before we reached our designation. I slid my ear buds into my pocket and paused my music. "Hello, everyone. I'd like to introduce another volunteer; this is Ms. Quinn Blake."