I made a promise.
A promise I couldn't keep.
But I always knew I could never keep it.
Somewhere deep within, I knew.
I used to think I was a leader. But I see now that I followed. I've always followed.
Like a moth to a dying flame.
Like icarus to the sun.
Trying to find meaning where there was none.
I exhale slowly.
It's getting colder.
Sand shifts beneath my feet as I take another step. Than another, each grows slower, more painful than the last.
But I have to try.
Until my last breath to reach it.
The light.
There's not much left.
I have to try.
I continue onwards towards the sun which is setting itself to sleep behind the blankets of sand dunes, far, far in the distance.
I keep walking, casting long shadows in my wake.
So far away.
My skin is dry. My lips dried, cracked and bleed long ago, the blood now blown dry to my skin from the wind.
I don't know how long I have been here now.
But it has been too long.
Too long for my body to survive anyway.
Maybe too long for my mind as well.
I can make it.
I was lying again. Lying to myself.
I will never reach my destination.
So why am I still walking?
It was hard to remember. But my mind focused itself finally.
A memory. Than another, each flickering between the next like an old movie. But in no particular order which made sense. Almost like a dream. The pictures blurred. But the feelings they held...
The feelings are there.
A warmth brighter than a thousand suns filled my chest.
That's why.
I glance upon my hands. They are in front of me, but I can't feel them anymore.
It's fading.
That's okay.
Because you see, I have this strange power.
But it's more like a curse.
I might be better without it.
It's like a fleeting, false hope. If the gods cared, they'd know. I tried everything.
I only wanted to bring you back.
Bring you home.
But not in this life.
Not with this power.
I believed in this power. And I didn't even realise until now how much.
I believed with my whole heart. My entire being.
I was starting to believe it would never fail.
But nothing lasts does it? That's a common saying. Maybe it's true.
Or maybe nothing is truly gone.
But I could feel it. With each step. I grew closer to truth.
It's fading.
Were all my endeavours for power?
For freedom? For purpose?
I'd tell myself those things. But I didn't know if it was true.
Perhaps even love?
Only a fool would fall for something so childish.
And I had fallen.
I was laying in the sand now. Unable to take another step. The sunlight disappearing quickly behind the horizon. Leaving me behind.
I'll never catch it now.
You gotta get up.
But I don't move.
What even is this anyway?
Life. Just a glimpse of the timeline.
Just a fraction of existence.
I could help but wonder.
Will I ever have another like it?
I may find out soon. Because my body is giving up on this one.
No, not yet.
My powers were useful sometimes.
Moments like this.
With incredible difficulty, I moved. Just enough so I could face the heavens.
Thank you. I thanked nobody.
Or maybe I was thanking my power.
I'd nearly used the last of it now. I could feel it growing cold. There was nothing more than a slither remaining.
That won't be much use to me now.
But still I clung to it desperately.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
My eyes opened. Just a crack, Just enough...
I needed to see the stars again.
They were twinkling brightly. One by one, appearing above me as the sky grew darker.
It's all I have left of you now.
And despite the cold chilling my bones, it burned.
Hotter and more painfully than the sun.
I should have never felt this way.
I never even knew what we were.
But maybe it didn't matter.
We are all made up of particles, after all. Specks of dust.
Never meant to last.
Maybe that's why I could never speak those words I wanted to say to you.
Or maybe it was because no words could have ever been enough to describe how I felt.
How I feel.
The sky was dark now. But among the darkness, twinkling themselves into existence, one by one, was so many stars.
So much light.
We were only a flash of light in the dark, a speck in an endless void. Only a fraction of a fraction of a lifetime in the universe.
But all those flashes, specks and fractions did feel like an awful long time.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
The sun had nearly tucked itself away to rest completely now. The last rays of light disappearing behind the sand.
Nothing lasts.
Nothing stays the same.
But that's okay.
Maybe that's what makes it all the more beautiful.
Meaningful even.
Meaningful in a meanless universe.
