The Green Iguana Theatre

Troll in the Dungeon

The Little Theatre of the Green Iguana
presents
a one-act play

"Troll in the Dungeons"

Dramatis personae:
- Quirinus Quirrell
- Peeves
- Percy Weasley
- Harry Potter
- Ron Weasley
- Hermione Granger
- Minerva McGonagall
- Severus Snape
- Other teachers and students including the school choir

Halloween feast in Hogwarts. Pumpkins, bats, tables full of food, everyone having fun. Suddenly Quirrell rushes into the hall, his robes flowing and turban almost falling off his head.

QUIRRELL
(gasping for air)
Troll! Troll in the dungeons!...

Quirrell collapses on the floor. A real chaos begins in the hall. Everyone are running wildly for the exit, tripping over lying Quirrell. However, they don't notice a strange eye glancing from his disarrayed turban. The teachers hardly manage to control the situation.

SCHOOL CHOIR
(singing shakily like the Titanic orchestra)
And it was supposed to be such a pleasant mood after the tea time...

However, the song cuts off and the choir singers flee with the others, trampling the conductor and Quirrell (who still seems unconscious) on their way. Everyone rush into the hallway and see Peeves floating in the air.

PEEVES
(singing with malicious satisfaction)
Troll in the loo! The stutterer let the troll in! It was Quirrell the squirrel!

Nobody in the hullabaloo hears him – but the radar ears of Snape.

PERCY
(in his element, shouting over the noise)
Gryffindors, follow me!

Harry and Ron, whispering in horror, escape the prefect's vigilant eye and run in the opposite direction. Breathless, they arrive at the toilet. There are terrible noises and sounds of breaking toilet bowls inside. The door opens and a troll rushes out, mad with fear, followed by Hermione, with messy hair and her wand raised. Quirrell, already conscious, arrives from the hall.

TROLL
(trembling all over, falls on the floor at Quirrell's feet, nearly knocking him off)
Quiri, help me! She wanted to kill me! Why did you bring me...

Quirrell quickly casts the Stupefy spell to prevent the troll from slipping anything more. McGonagall and Snape arrive. Quirrell at the sight of them falls on the floor near the troll.

McGONAGALL
Potter, Weasley and Granger, follow me! Immediately!

McGonagall takes the shocked students out. Snape helps Quirrell to stand up and immediately presses him against the wall.

SNAPE
(hissing)
Quirrell! What the...

Snape stops mid-sentence suddenly hit with a club on the back of his head and faints. The troll, awake and enraged, is standing above him.

TROLL
(spitting venom)
NEVER INSULT QUIRINUS QUIRRELL IN FRONT OF ME!!!

CURTAIN
(falls mercifully)