Caitlin Brooks: Grace Cameron

Chapter Twenty-Four

Grace bought a house in a cul-de-sac two blocks away from the boys. She had just enough furniture moved in that made the house liveable before she moved in with her singular suitcase that she had taken from the bunker.
She could feel everyone's eyes on her, always. When she went for a jog every morning she could feel their eyes on her from their windows, but none of them introduced themselves. They were content with judging her from afar.
After her morning jog she took a shower and dressed, with no job or anything else to keep her busy she moved to the couch and surfed the channels. That was what her life had become. Channel surfing, laundry, eating. Hours had went by when the doorbell rang, echoing throughout the house. Grace went to the door and opened it to reveal a woman about her age but she had a wide smile which Grace couldn't and therefore did not match.
"Hello, I'm Marie, I live just next door. I'm so sorry that its taken me so long to come and introduce myself but with the kids, I'm lucky if I remember to eat" she laughed lightly.
"It's fine" Grace shrugged lightly.
"I also wanted to check on you" Grace gave her a confused look, Marie took a breath before she began again "Your hips are wide, you wash your shirts more than anything else, your shoulders are small so you're not a big woman. You had a baby. And judging by the fact that I don't hear cries means that it didn't come home with you" Grace tensed.
"She. And she's not dead, I just lost her" 
"And you'll find her again, I'm sure" she gave her a kind smile "I made you a chicken casserole, you don't have to eat it, you can toss it if you want but, I want you to know that I'm here if you want a homecooked meal or someone to talk to" Grace's eyes filled with tears before she launched herself into her arms, almost knocking the casserole out of her hands. 
"Thank you" she managed through tears. 
"Mothers stick together. Always" she whispered to her as Grace released her. 
"I'm not much of a mother, my kids are scattered all over the place because of me" Grace frowned deeply. 
"You will always be a mother. That's something that will never change. A mother will always be a mother, even if her children are gone" Grace smiled at her again as she took the casserole from her. Marie gave her one last smile before Grace watched her head back down the front  yard. Grace went back inside and closed the door behind her, looking down at the casserole in her hands before she moved to the kitchen, grabbing a fork out of the cutlery drawer before she went back to the couch and began eating, letting the sound of family fortune flood her ears as the taste of the casserole flooded her mouth.

A few months later
Grace grew tired of the same old routine, she grew tired of the same quite house, night after night, the silence was slowly killing her. Wake up, jog around the block, laundry, clean, watch tv, eat dinner, more tv, then bed. She was so used to the noise, the business that was her life as an agent of the FBI. She was used to the boys. Their laughter every morning as they tried to sneak into her room and startle her awake, their wide smiles when she convinced Cor to make them all pancakes for breakfast for the eighth day in a row, their little bodies clinging to her as she carried them to bed and as they refused to let go. 
The silence was slowly killing her. 
She had no plan in mind when she went grocery shopping to get anything else but when she passed the window of an animal shelter she couldn't help but look. A German Shepard looked back at her, his nose almost pressed against the glass as he stared back at her. 
"Hi, you like anything you see?" a woman younger than her smiled at her from the doorway to the shelter. 
"I was just looking" Grace shrugged fixing the paper bag on her hip. 
"Well Max doesn't like most people. If he likes you you're very lucky" she smiled, moving to head inside when Grace's voice stopped her. 
"Is he up for adoption?" her voice spoke up before her brain could catch up. 
"He is. Do you want me to start the paperwork?" 
"Yes please" 
"You made a good choice" she smiled before she headed back inside. 
"I didn't choose, he did" Grace smiled at the dog through the glass who was panting back at her. 

A few months later
Grace decided not to jog, instead she threw on a comfy oversized jumper and a pair of jeans and started walking. 
Her life in Reston Virginia felt like another alias that she had to maintain. Although, she was more comfortable than she was in the bunker and Marie frequently checked on her and bought her food every time without fail, she still felt like a ghost wandering the streets in search of something that wasn't there, something that had long vanished.
She had no destination in mind and yet she kept walking, she hadn't realized exactly where she had ended up until she heard a familiar voice call out to her.
"Mommy?" she froze at the sound of his voice "Mommy!" he called out again. Grace summoned all the courage that she could and she walked away. She walked away from her sons. Her boys.
She walked all the way back home, even when Marie called her name she kept walking until her back was pressed against the closed front door. She pulled her knees up to her chest and let out her pain, her tears burned their paths down her cheeks, soaking into her knees as choked sobs echoed throughout the mostly empty house.
"Why? Why?!" she screamed into the emptiness "No more, please. No more pain" she begged, her words muffled by her choked sobs "I can't take any more of this"
Pain. The pain of being a mother without any children to care for, to love. What is mother without love? A mother will always be a mother because they will always love, without question, without fail. 
Grace loves her children. Without question. Without fail. 
Even though she had to stay away, even though her heart ached knowing that they were so close and yet so far. She kept her distance. She stayed away. Her heart, her soul, her whole body ached for her children, it ached to have them close to her again. She ached to have her children back home, with her. But, that is a mothers burden. To let her children go, to stay away from them even when it hurts, even when she felt that it was all too much.
She stayed away to protect them. She had to. She would. Even if it killed her inside. She would do everything that she could to protect them. 
But, living without your children is just about the closest thing to hell on earth. Grace would survive. She always did. She would fight because she always did. All she knew how to do was fight, so that was what she was going to do. Fight.