Empty Promises and Selfish Optimism

Sleepless

                           845 AD

Ymir never knew her name. Hell, she didn't even know herself. Why keep a name that just made everything worse? Was it the name or Ymir herself that doomed all those people? Did it even matter now? She looked up at the stars. What year was it? Where was she? How long had she been a titan? Why was she back?

Was it that kid? She technically killed him. But as a titan she'd killed so many. What was one more? She knew she shouldn't be happy, shouldn't admire the stars, shouldn't thank whatever damned God there was that she could breathe as herself again. But what was morality anyway?

Titans sleep at night. She stood up. Was that why she was here again? She only had a few more hours before those things would wake up. She could only cherish this precious night for a bit longer before she'd have to run again.
She'd gotten pretty good at that.

Well for now she could enjoy what she had ripped away years ago, running barefoot in the sand, as herself. Sixty years of this all leading up to being able feel once again. Who cares how many people had to die? She'd finally escaped hell.

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                              850

It was a few days after the Battle of the Trost district. Ymir was actually worried about another person. That girl was making her feel things she never thought she would. Krista. How could you so easily hijack someone's mind without even knowing it.

She layed in her bed, ODM gear next to her. Calming blue eyes closed, hugging her pillow. God she wanted so badly for her to cling to her like that. But Ymir knew she shouldn't be thinking about that. Yet still she approached.

Her eyes opened. She must be a light sleeper. She'd have to remember that. But for now she could stare into those bright eyes. "Ymir?" She sounded so cute when she was sleepy. What Ymir would give to hold her in her arms and stroke her hair until she fell back asleep on her chest.  What she would give just to call Krista hers. What she would give for this damn war to be over.

She smiled at her. "Hey"

"You should be sleeping" She closed her eyes again.

"Hard to sleep when your mind won't shut the fuck up"

"Wanna talk?"

What kind of sap was she? She couldn't know half of what she was thinking about. She couldn't even know how much she loved her. Was it love? Could she feel love? Did she deserve it?

"S' fine. I shouldn't bother you" She started walking away. She couldn't burden her. Besides Krista needed to sleep.

But she sat up and patted the spot on her bed next to her. "You can tell me. I know it must be hard. We've seen things that no one should never see" She touched her hand. Did she even know what she does to her?

"It's not that." She held her hand. "I'm not scared of dying. It's gonna happen eventually anyway" She felt herself leaning toward her.

"Y'know I worry that we're gonna lose more people" Krista said. "That no matter what we do. We still might lose."

"I don't care if I die. Heh. Guess we're both a couple of suicidal kids, huh"

I just don't want you to die. I'd sacrifice anything if it meant you were safe. The world can burn for all I care. I just can't have you in the blaze.

She crossed her arms. "I'm not suicidal. I just want to help as many people as I can"

"You wanna play hero and you know it." Ymir fired back. "You'd rather be remembered than live a real life. That's why you joined the Scouts."

"Well why did you join the scouts? I never asked you to follow me."

As if I wouldn't follow you to hell and back.

"Military Police sounded boring." She lied

"That's it? You're more suicidal than I am."

"The thing about me is that I don't deny it, Princess" She flicked her forehead

For a moment she looked concerned. Then she shook it off. Krista. Why are you hiding? Was that what drew her to her? That they both were running from something?

She just pouted, leaning on her friend again.

Against her better judgment, she pulled her closer.

"If you want," Krista started. "You can sleep here with me."

Ymir smiled. "You're too nice for your own good" She layed next to her.

"More people should be kind." She said, lying back down, face inches away from Ymir's. This girl. This damn girl and her damn savior complex had Ymir in the palm of her hand.