Will We Last?

Oct 2

I've noticed my best friend in the whole universe been distant recently .Always talking about boys or some other things. We use to both like the same things and have that click. We collected photocards and talked for hours about random things. Now she's gone. I feel alone. I understand people's interests change but I never realized her falling out of K-pop would hit me this hard. She just doesn't want to hear it, anything that remotely can be connected back to kpop is not to be mentioned.

She called on Saturday in the morning told me she was falling out and hung up one me. I had this sick feeling we're never gonna be the same, ever. Even writing this I'm so scared for the future. Will we ever be what we were? Will it all go away? Just like that? Over a boy or anything? What will happen to all her stuff?

I think there were some leading signed like changing her wall paper from her bias to some simple drawing, but school was started and I did the same thing. She only requested to listen to rappers. She always hung up on me. She doesn't seem to need me anymore. The one who use to ditch everyone to hangout with me. The one I'd spend everyday, every second with.

She deleted weverse and all her saved tiktoks. She once use to fawn over pictures of her bias redownloading them over and over but now, they're all gone. The memories will fade my life is gone. I miss the summer her when we were happy going out. It's not fair to her but I wish she would go back to the old her. She's the only friend I had that liked kpop and would talk to me.

I was playing Roblox and she offered to play but a second later said no I don't wanna play Minecraft or Roblox with you, then made an excuse to hang up on me. I don't understand if I did something wrong or said something? I don't even want to be here anymore. I just want to go away. Disappear.

I honestly don't know what to do because she's everything to me, my life, my heart, my soul, me. I don't even want to be here. I feel so small. I want to escape. I feel empty. She is my everything any now she's gone. Away. Doesn't care. I hate myself. I want to just cry. I have so much school work, why do any of it when I'm not going to live old enough to use those skills? Every day gets harder. I feel like I always have to be the happy chipper friend, the one you can go to for comforting, I love that. I love helping people and being happy but I can't keep up the act I have.

Maybe this has nothing to do with her and I just hate myself. Maybe I'm scared, scared of what? Falling out of K-pop too? Being a disappointment? Not being enough? Not accomplishing the things I want to?