A Sour Grape In A Bowl Of Sweet Grapes

3

To prevent tragic social moments I just decided that being quiet and alone was something I was just going to have to deal with. At times I would pretend that I'm in one of those sad movies. That kid who's always sitting alone. But usually at the end of those movies, it gets better. I pray that it gets better. It always gets better. Right? Maybe this is just the beginning. That my breakthrough is on its way. I wake up every morning thinking today's the day when someone sits next to me. The day that instead of my phone being my only warmth a friend is. The day I'm social.

But day by day, period by period, I'm let down by my own hope. Fall back into an endless ocean I've been sinking into. No boat, no rope, nothing to help pull me out.

In classes, I try to place myself around the popular people. Thinking that maybe being around them would tempt them into talking to me. Once they do I'll try to juggle the conversion into a good one where I'll start hanging out with them. A strategy that I thought was clever. But soon came to bite me in the ass. Later on, I realized that no matter how I placed myself around people, I still didn't get talked to. Actually made me feel more uncomfortable because I always felt like I was in their way. Like I was oil and they were water. We just don't mix.

Don't worry though, there's only two more years left of high school. This hell will soon be extinguished once I graduate and get my freedom. The more I think about leaving the longer it seems to come. These two years seem like two decades. I have a feeling of anxiety in my stomach every time I walk through the double doors. Sadness taking over my body like a ghost possessing a soul. My once-colored movie turning into a black-and-white 40s film. Doing this for two more years? Will I make it? Will it get better?