Here I am again, longing for that ideal friend.
Let me share you something.
I met this girl. At first, I was kind of uncomfortable with her. She is fat, quiet with that fierce eyes, but she is cute. Yeah, she looks fierce. As she said, no one talks to her because she looks naughty. And I am one of those no one.
Whenever I saw her, I was like a bit, uhm, I don't know. My feelings towards her was like, "Oh my God, being close to her will be a kind of not good." That was it.
One day, we were acting as very close friends. She suddenly hugged me. Again, it was acting. That hug was not sincerely done. But damn, do u know what I felt? "Gosh, it feels so warm. This is what I've been looking for." You know, even I was aware, I couldn't help but fall for that "fake hug". I had been longing for that feeling. Probably, out of desperateness, I got attached to that person. I would always wish for her to be my friend. I would always look for her. I had this weird feeling of emptiness when I would not see her.
D-day. I was nervous. Really really nervous. I felt cold. I needed someone to make me feel warm. I wanted to be comforted. I looked around but I saw no one. I believed I was not in good terms with the others other than that girl. I approached her. "Hey, I feel so nervous, can I hold your hand?" She said, "Sure. You can do it." Then, she kept on teaching me what to do when such circumstance happens. Sparks were everywhere. I felt so happy by the warmth that she gave me again.
D-day ends. Goodbye.
Few days later, I was not supposed to come to school but I went to meet a friend. That friend couldn't come but it was late when I knew it. I was at the school by that time. Well, I had regrets. But every thing really happens for a reason.
It was the last day of school. I wished I could at least see that girl that gave me warmth. Wish granted! That girl met my friend. Great! But while waiting, I felt cold and nervous. "Oh my gosh, I'm gonna see her!" That was what I felt deep inside. Great! "Here she comes!" Crap, I was so happy. Yet at the same time, I felt sad. I didn't even managed to get close with her. Scared, maybe? I was so frustrated as well. Damn, was I in love?
We were bidding our goodbyes. We were going separate ways. Suddenly, my heart felt something had twisted it and had drained. Damn, I felt like crying! But there, we went to our own ways.
After all, yeah, the feeling was love. I guess falling in love with love? I am a girl and I am in love with a girl.
And up until now, she doen't know how I feel. Maybe it is not destined for us to be friends but I am grateful that even for a moment, I got that warmth that I'd been looking for even in the way that I didn't expected, wished and wanted.
I believe that there is someone out there who is more deserving for my love.
My dear friend, please come as I am about to go crazy. I have no one to lean on.
