Wahaashtini

1》Over the duvet

✼　 ҉　 ҉　 ҉　 ҉　✼

السلام عليكم ورحمة اللة وبركاته

A tiny bit pause of reluctance ends here when...

The screen of my phone is being scrolling down despite knowing my mother is calling me downstairs. She shouts as the table is set but I ignore it. I scroll down the screen with much curiosity as there are all interesting contents waiting for me.

I don't know since when it became crucial to me more than my mother's call. But.... when did I forget I am risking my own heaven?

The Prophet Muhammad said, may Allah's peace and blessings be upon him: Your Heaven lies under the feet of your mother. [Ahmad, Nasai].

I scroll down on the phone while gazing on the alluring music video and contents. I am aware of my surroundings as I know no one is watching me. I ignored my parents for this.

I don't find the wrong in this.

Since when I started believing I am doing the right?

When...

"...indeed allah is ever over you an observer." [4:1]

"...I see everything you do."[34:11]

I watch the intimidating videos and drown myself into the fictional world forgetting the reality in myself. I drown myself into the adultery and find my own victory in getting my own pleasure.

I don't find the wrong in this.

Since when I started thinking I am doing the right?

When.. Allah said,

"... Do not even approach fornication/adultery for it is an outrageous act, and an evil way." [17:32]

I flip myself over the duvet with the phone in my grip and sink my head on the pillow. My books and the tackle of study are resting on my table which is remained untouched all day when I know that I will be having my exams in the next week.

I scroll down the screen.

A minute later, a notification pops up on my phone's screen. I chirp and go joyous acknowledging he messaged me.

Aladdin'

Let's meet in the school yard tomorrow, Wafaa'.

I wait for numerous text messages from him, but I don't receive any more that that text. I lastly text back him an okay.

It's not his familiar act, it's not his joyous jolly expression I used to witness.

It somehow bothers my soul.

Whatsoever I shrug it off and again scroll through the posts.

The necklace of pearl gifted by him is resting around my neck. I smile touching it and again continue my paused doings.

The eclipsed room is only illuminated by the light from its screen. It feels nice lying down all day being wasted.

I am feeling good and better.

Since when I started thinking it is good for my health?

When... Allah's command is,

" ...Do not be wasteful [7:31]"

I hear my mother repeatedly calling me by my name to which I reluctantly give it an eye roll. I think she wants to grasp off my privacy. I think she is wrong. I think she never thinks well of me. I think my parents' don't understand me.