TRAVELERS || T.K

T⋆H⋆I⋆R⋆T⋆Y⋆S⋆I⋆X

LANA POV

"Lana, are you doing okay?" Chloe walks into my dimly lit room.

I still couldn't imagine life without Tom, what had happened. How could I have had a dream so vivid like that. I could touch him, feel him.

It was overtaking my mind, I could still feel him deep within me, and when we had sex, it was unimaginable.

Was I still even a virgin?

It hurt, it physically hurt. I could feel the way my walls stretched out as he entered into me. All the sayings he would whisper in my ear.

FLASHBACK

"You're so beautiful Lana." Tom whispers kissing up my tits to my neck, slightly behind my ear.

PRESENT

I cant live without him, it hurt me physically.

"Lana." Chloe shakes me by my shoulder. "Get out Chloe." I sniffle.

FLASHBACK

"You're so gorgeous, you can take it." Tom rubs my inner thigh.

PRESENT

"Lana, sit up for me." Chloe tries to comfort me, all the time. It wasn't fucking working.

"I said get out! Just get out Chloe!" I start to sob, I could feel Chloe get in bed with me. "Just tell me what's wrong, tell me what's wrong and i'll fix it." Chloe strokes my hair.

"Fuck! You won't get it, you'll never get it okay? I want to be alone, just please leave." My voice starts to crack, it was so raspy. It was basically gone at this point.

Chloe gets up, out from my bed. "When you're ready to talk, i'm here." Chloe says before shutting my door gently.

The only person I wanted to talk to right now was Tom.

No one else.

It didn't even make any sense, i've looked up to Tom my whole life. I've loved him my entire life, so for him to disappear after one dream?

It doesn't make any fucking sense.

I love him, I am in love with him. But does he even exist at this point? Is he even a person? Is he out there in whatever era? I cant fucking deal with the not knowing of it all. I just wanted answers.

"I just want answers." I whisper, sobbing to myself.

"I'll give you all the answers, just be patient for me baby, I love you." Tom says kissing my forehead.

I could feel his arms on my body, I felt him. He was here. I open my eyes, searching for my love.

He was gone, yet once again.

I'm gonna go back to that thrift store.

I get up, getting out of bed. It was time to fix this depression room and get my man back.

I could see all the piled up water bottles, on my nightstand. I sigh, running down the stairs. I needed trash bags and fresh sheets. "Lana!" Chloe yells.

"I'm deep cleaning my room, I don't need input right now." I say grabbing a heavy duty trash bag from the drawer. I walk over to the closet that had fresh sheets.

I grab a bed sheet and two pillow cases running back up the stairs. I start to gather all my trash in the bags before ripping the sheets off my bed.

I place the new sheets on my bed, I grab my pillows fluffing them up a little bit before placing the new pillow cases on my bed.

-

I look around my room, smiling to myself. It had taken about two hours but, I was proud of what I had done.

I was proud of myself for the first time, in a really long time. That felt good.

Spending three weeks, in the same bed. Barely eating and only going up to use the restroom was an unbearable feeling.

The feeling that you're useless and can't do anything.

I walk over to the restroom, turning on my shower. Turning it all the way to hot, I needed a good everything shower. After all this, I was gonna make it my mission to get Tom back.

I knew he was there, he was within me.

I just have to pull him out somehow.

I strip my clothes off, getting underneath the hot water. I needed this shower, badly.

I double shampoo my hair, after rinsing it out and squeezing out some of the excess water I applied some conditioner to my ends before putting it in a claw clip.

I grab my shaving gel, spreading it all around my legs. The razor gliding against my skin gently.

I look down to my thighs, getting flashbacks from the first week without Tom.

FLASHBACK
TW- self harm.

I open my drawer, taking the little pocket knife I had used to cut open packages and shut, I walk into the bathroom. Shutting the door behind me.

I slide down the bathroom wall, spreading my thighs out a bit. I place the razor against my skin, slashing through it. It was a feeling I remembered all a bit too well.

The tears start to slide down my face, falling on my scars, giving it a little bit of a sting. I smirk to myself, the feeling, was just pure ecstasy.

Something I had missed.

three years clean? Fuck that.

I place the blade lower, going for a second cut. Felt even better then the last one.

I laugh to myself, putting the blade down. God I was so fucked up, my life was fucked.

I pick it back up, slashing it against my thighs uncontrollably, I was out of control. The pain gave me pleasure, like none else.

I had ran out of room, would that stop me though? No.

I simply moved on to my wrists, something I couldn't have accomplished that one night at the bridge seemed very doable right now.

I place it against my wrist, cutting deeply into it. I could feel the blood start to pour out of me.

I had cut too deep, the flashes of blood was overtaking my body right now. I felt everything go fuzzy, before I collapsed, my head hitting the bathtub, before landing on the cold tile floor.

Had I taken it too far..?

-

I woke up three days later, in the hospital.

A/N- hey babies, I just wanted to say that if you're struggling mentally i'm always here for you and my wattpad messages are open to anyone. i'm here for all of you, i hope this wasn't too triggering for anyone. i'm simply just trying to make the book more realistic, as many people have dealt with this. don't feel like you're alone, i'm here for you. you guys are the sweetest readers i could ask for. don't give up on me! i love you so much<3