I ripped the blankets off of me and sat up, gasping for air. I was covered in a thick blanket of sweat despite having cool air flowing in through the broken window. I began to cry for the third time tonight after remembering what had happened a few months ago.
The images of Joe's body being dragged in, Valon being shot, and finding Lily in the dog cage had been haunting me with every blink and breath that I took.
That night replayed in my head any chance it got, awake or asleep it didn't matter, they found even the smallest entrance and invaded my mind wreaking havoc, like malware.
After catching my breath and wiping my tears, I followed my gaze to the subtle blue light coming from somewhere within my room. My tv was stuck on the menu page of what was once of my many favorite horror movies because I had yet to press play.
Ever since my life became an actual horror movie, I couldn't help but to hate them now. I knew I wouldn't be able to press play but I wanted to put it on because it was comforting for me.
I grabbed the remote that laid next to me and powered off the tv before heading downstairs. I stopped halfway down the steps when I saw the caution tape placed in the shape of an "X" on the basement door.
The horrific memories flashed through my mind, despite me wanting otherwise. I quickly tore my eyes away and continued down the steps and into the dim kitchen.
I grabbed a cup from the cabinet and filled it with water from the sink. I took large gulps of the water, desperately hoping it would help cool me down despite being in a freezing house. It was still warm during the days but now that it was late October, the nights had become cooler.
I looked up from my cup to see the dried lilies that sat in the middle of the dining table before deciding to throw my cup at it, hating the reminders of what had happened. What I had caused. The vase exploded into millions of tiny glittering pieces, causing the lilies to drop to the table when my cup collided with the vase.
I stood there staring at the light reflecting off of the bits of broken glass until I heard a knock at the door pulling me out of my trance. I walked over to the door and pulled it open, not needing to worry about the lock since it had been broken off or not caring who was behind the door.
There was really nothing left for me to fear at this point. What was there to fear when you had nothing to lose? What was there to fear when you already experienced Hell?
Valerie stood there with a worried look on her face.
"I hope I didn't wake you...." She said gently. Her eyes cautiously roamed over me.
I was sure she noticed my unbrushed hair, tired eyes, and my clothes that barely hung onto my small frame, but it didn't bother me.
I gave a short dry laugh. My mind kept me awake. I couldn't sleep if I wanted to.
"May I come in?" she asked.
I gave her a long look before stepping aside to let her through. When she moved from her spot I noticed the familiar black car that had once rescued me and Valon.
Matteo.
I dragged my eyes away from Matteo's car and shut the door.
Valerie seemed to not notice or perhaps ignore the blocked off basement as she headed further into the house. She paused at the state of the kitchen and dining room as I continued walking past her, heading towards the living room, not bothering to wait for her.
I took a seat in the corner of the couch, pulling my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. A few seconds later Valerie had walked in, taking a seat next to me.
"I wanted to ask you for a favor....." She said, avoiding eye contact and fiddling with the ring on her finger.
"I understand if it's too much to ask but I don't know what else to do," she said cautiously, lifting her eyes to mine.
"The doctors think it's time to take him off the ventilator. My husband and I agreed that if he doesn't wake up by Friday morning then we will tell the doctor we're ready. We just can't bear to go through this again with another child."
"I'm sorry but what does this have to do with me?" I asked. My voice was rough after not using it in a while.
"I thought maybe you might trigger something for him to wake up."
"It's been months, I don't thin-" I began to say.
It's not that I didn't care, it was just easier for me to cope with me distancing myself from him and his current state. If I thought about it, I don't even think I would be breathing right now.
"Please. I just want to try one more thing before I have to say goodbye to another child," She said, her voice breaking.
"What does Francis think?" I asked, remembering the last time I had seen him.
"He doesn't know im asking you this and he probably wouldn't like it either but that doesn't matter. I just want to make sure I did everything in my power to save him."
I drug my eyes away, remembering the last time I had seen him.
"You're not dying May, I told you we were getting out of here and I meant that."
I never visited him in the hospital because I knew it would be too hard to see him in his state. Too hard to see the damage I had caused to someone I cared so deeply for. The only thing I could do was stay away, It was better for him and me that way. I didn't want to do any more damage than I had already done.
Hunter texted me updates from whenever she visited him with River. Every update included the words unresponsive and coma, never different from the last update. Eventually she stopped messaging me, perhaps because I never answered any of her calls or texts.
"You're only wasting your time ....." I said slowly looking back up. I no longer had a heart to guide with or to speak from, it died that night in the basement.
"Please, just think about it. We'll be at the hospital tomorrow," she said before giving me a long look and standing up.
"This may also be your last chance to see him," she added before exiting the living room. I could hear the clicking of her heels grow further and further away until I heard the front door shut.
I dropped my head.
"Dammit!" I screamed out as my fist hit my knee.
"Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!" I screamed out, tears falling as I continued to pummel my knee.
I was being forced to think about someone I desperately wanted to forget. I knew it wasn't possible for me to forget him, but I wanted to try. I didn't want to think about what I had caused. I didn't want to think about him being shot. I didn't want to think about him being in a coma. I didn't want to think about possibly never seeing him.
Do I break the wall I spent the past months building to keep me and everyone safe to have a chance to say goodbye?
Or do I continue to hide from the world?
"Dammit," I sobbed out, knowing what I had to do.
🥀🥀🥀
A/N: Welcome to book 2 "Behind Her."
I've been so busy with school, so I wont have time to upload often, but I hope you all like this chapter. Thank you for reading!
-Nia 💛
