Love me or leave me.

Sleeping peacefully

Farah/Reader

Reader's PoV:

I lay awake on my back staring sleeplessly up at the ceiling, watching the shadows from the trees outside of the bedroom window dancing around in the moon light from the light night breeze while Farah sleeps peacefully next to me, am surprised she hasn't asked me to leave, she never lets me spend the night.

Slowly turning onto my side to face a sleeping Farah, the moonlight casting an ethereal glow over her, lighting up her facial features, a lock of Farah's hair has fallen across her face, I'm tempted to reach out and move it, I don't as I'm scared of waking her, so I just lay here watching Farah sleeping, god she is beautiful, my heart is breaking at the thought of leaving her, god I was going to miss her, but I just cannot do this anymore, I can no longer be with her, because she doesn't love me, the way I love her.

I know Farah cares for me, she has proven that time and time again; but she doesn't love me, she isn't in love with me, and yet am hopelessly in love with her, every-time I tell her that I love her, she never says it back, she just gives me one of those sweet smiles of hers, taking my hand in her giving the back of my hand a kiss, before kissing the inside of my wrist, than kisses my lips lightly, sweetly, stroking my cheek gently with one of her hands while looking sweetly into my eyes, sometimes I think I see love in her eyes, other times I think I see pity or sadness behind those same eyes, every-time Farah did this, I thought it was her way of telling me she loved me, I now know I was wrong.

I had been thinking about leaving for a while now, I was free to leave Alfea as I was no longer a student at the school, after I graduated Farah had asked me to remain at the school as her assistance full time, and since I hadn't had any idea or made any plans to what I was going to do after leaving school, I took her up on her offer.

Farah and I had always been very close since we were almost the same age, I was only two years younger than her, when we first started sleeping together Farah asked to keep us a secret, as she didn't want anyone to know she was sleeping with a former student, I understood as It had been less than a year since I studied under her, however that never changed no matter how much time passed, I even become a teacher's assistant and currently studying to become a teacher, am no longer Farah's assistant, however I do still help out in the office and with meetings from time to time.

My life isn't bad, I just wish Farah didn't want to keep our relationship a secret, then it finally hit me, she doesn't want anyone to know about us because she doesn't love me, that thought brought tears to my eyes, leaving Farah was going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, I deserve to be with someone who will love me, not just want me for sex, I had finally came to realise that fact a couple of months ago, almost every-time I told Farah we needed to talk or I had to talk to her, she would always say, "talking is for afterwards," then started kissing me, sometimes I had tried talking to her afterwards, she would say "I need a shower, you can see yourself out," I had given up trying.

I had felt at a lost, my heart and soul felt restless, every-time I had made up my mind that I was going to leave and that I was really leaving this time, Farah and I would share a moment that made me question her feelings towards me or make it impossible for me to leave, I had tried telling Farah I wanted more out of this relationship, Farah would tell me that she liked the idea of me being her secret, that I was something that was hers, something in her life no one knew about, not even Saul or Ben her two best friends.

I had tried to tell her that I didn't want to be her secret anymore, that I loved her and wanted a life with her, out in the open, to maybe one day get married and start a family, Farah had simply hugged me, kissed me lightly.

"Maybe one day, but not today," Farah had told me before making love to me, after we made love Farah and I lay there in each other's arms, "Isn't it sexier that we are a secret," Farah said kissing me again before getting out of bed, I had set up in bed as Farah got into her dressing-gown, I looked down at my hands as I spoke.

"Farah, I cannot keep doing this, I love you so much it hurts, I want more, I feel you are unable to give me anything more in this relationship, I hope one day you find someone who you do want to be with, without keeping them a secret," I said doing my best to keep my emotions under control, when Farah didn't say anything, I looked up from my hands to see she hadn't even been in the room while I was talking.

Farah had come out of the bathroom a few minutes later, "sorry sweetie you need to leave, because I really need to get some sleep, I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, I will see you in the morning," Farah said kissing my lips.

"Would it be so bad if I spend the night?" I had asked her.

"You know you can't, we talked about this, I cannot risk any students seeing you leaving my rooms," Farah said, that had been three weeks ago, I left without another word or even giving Farah a kiss goodnight, I had felt overwhelmed, knowing nothing was going to change in this relationship, I also knew I couldn't keep doing this, so I did something I have never done before, I prayed for a way out.

Two days later I had received an email from a friend of mine asking for my help, she runs a café named the black cat, with her husband, in her email, she explained that her husband had been cheating on her with one of the waitresses, plus she has just found out she is pregnant. I email her back telling her that I would help her, however I need to make arrangements here at Alfea first, I couldn't just up and leave, after I hit send, I felt a wave of relief wash over me, I had my way out.

I come up with a plan, I would tell Mrs Taylor the teacher I assist, I would be gone for a week and that I hadn't yet talk with Miss Dowling about it, though I wasn't planning on coming back, I also had no intention of leaving without talking with Farah, I had tried talking with her many times over the past weeks and again last night, however all Farah wanted was to remove me from my clothes.

With a heavy sigh I slowly turn back onto my back, sitting up, pulling back the covers, throwing my legs over the side of the bed, once out of the bed I use my light magic to help locate my clothes, I kept the light in my hand dim, once I'm dress, I look back at a sleeping Farah, I gently move the lock of hair from her face, "oh Farah, I wish it didn't have to come to this, I love you so much it breaks my heart, I wish you could love me, goodbye my love," with that I kiss her one last time on her lips, before walking to the door, looking over my shoulder at her one last time, I leave her sleeping peacefully.

To Be Continued:

I know I shouldn't really be starting a new story, however I couldn't blood get this out of my head, plus I wouldn't be making this story to long, at least I hope not.