Forever is Not Real: George Washington x Y/N

Chapter five

You had to read the letter twice to fully comprehend what he was saying. He was marrying Martha, not you. It doesn't seem fair. Nothing is fair in love and war..... Revolutionary war. You are heartbroken. You run back up to your apartment and dramatically flop onto your bed tied with fresh straw that morning. You try to hold in your tears but they prickle to deep. So you open the flood gate and streams of tears roll down your cheeks.

You were not enough for him.

You never were. And deep down you knew that.

You knew so many things. But you so foolishly ignored them because you thought you should follow your heart. Women dont get to follow their heart. Not truly. If they marry the one they love, then they will be forced to have kids that they could never love truly. A daughter who they will have to watch grow and shatter into a heartbroken piece of their mother. A daughter that will become her and that is the worst part of motherhood, seeing yourself in them.

I wont get to experience that. I am not good enough.

I am not good enough even to be forced to love. love will seek me out and every time will disappear before i can grasp it, leaving me alone on the roof of the world, my hand outstretched to the universe. asking, pleading, to let me in. Let me live. Let me be. I beg it to stop. I cry on my knees. I tell it "Please. Let me out." it doesn't listen. For I'm starting to think the universe is as stuck as I am. The universe does not hold all my answers. I'm realizing that now.

You open your eyes.

You hear the birds whistle, the tree outside your window ruffle in the breeze. You hear the footsteps of the commoners in the market below. And it's almost as if the sadness went so deep it disappeared. Buried itself. You feel... nothing. Pure nothing. And it feels amazing.

You wipe away your tears and toss the letter in the bottom drawer of your desk.

I do not care to feel because that's what he wants me to do.

Of course as soon as you step outside you want to write George a letter back, begging him to re-think his marriage. But you know he will soon realize that Martha isn't a good match and will come back to you. He will remember that he is the one who awakened you boundless spirit. But for now, you have errands to run.

Days pass and you check for letters from Washington everyday. Finally you hear his name shouted from the street.

"Washington!" You look over to see a small boy holding a newspaper shouting "Washington proposes!"

Your heart drops. Your soul crushes. He's done it. He's abandoned you.

"I'll take one." You hand the boy a few coins and grab a paper from his hand. The headline reads.

George Washington and Widow Martha Custis are Engaged.

The two love birds made the announcement public this tuesday, Martha saying "I never expected for someone like George to come into my life, but I am so glad that he is here and that he is mine to love."

You almost throw up then and there. But, bravely, you read on.

We dont know when the two met but they seem to have a connection few can deny. They have not talked about children with the press yet, but they have said that their ceremony will be as quick as possible as to not disrupt the constitutional forming meetings. Washington says "I love martha as if I was 15 and she were my first love, we will do so many great things together as we have already done apart. This country will thrive with me and Martha together alongside it."

Thats it. You no longer feel sad. You feel angry. You're mad. Really mad.

You crumple up the newspaper and throw it behind someones market stall. You let out a growl as you run to the bench were you sit and read. And you sit there for what seems like days. The sun sets, the moon comes out. The sun rises. Then sets again. Then rises. Then sets. You sit there for what feels like a lifetime. You watch as people gawk at you. The birds don't care though. They go on like you had been there the whole time. You look at the sky. Not expecting to see anything. Not expecting anything. You are done with expectations. You sit on the bench. You cant hear anything but the buzz in your brain. You cant feel anything but the numbness in your heart. You cant seem to get yourself to do anything. No matter how hard your mind pleads. You just sit. And watch the sun. and the birds. And you wait. Wait for something to get you out.

You wait for the sun to set for the last time.

And just as you close your eyes to let the world take you, you hear a shout. A boy. Holding a newspaper.

"Miss! I have a new paper you might like to read!" he walks up and lays the newspaper down next to you. Then nods and walks off. It takes you a few minutes to open your eyes and adjust to the heading.

Beautiful Wedding Ceremony.

You skip all the gushy details and skip right to the quote under a photo of George,

"It will always be you. Always. Never forget that." 

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