Hindrance Of Past

CHAPTER 12: MARK & PAUL

CHAPTER 12: MARK & PAUL

PAUL

I don't know where I should start. The last conversation Sophie and I had is quite did not understand that much. My emotions filled me over to think about what is right or wrong.

I know she just wanted to help me but I refused to. Everything she said was enough for me to understand Kuya Mark and now, she's in front of me trying to understand my side. I didn't know why I feel like you know some kind of betrayal but I know it's not.

Since that day, I only pass by the hallway, the room and the cafeteria once in a while. I wanted space to think, I hurt her feelings. Yeah, indeed.

I barely attend class because I don't wanna see her. I'm a loser, am I? Afraid to face the world where I'm really free.

I was chained by the past.

I was in my room where my brother lived. We used to live together since he came back from the states. I admit, I used to hate him but not that long. Even though we lived together in the same roof, we never had a single conversation, we never say hi or hello, we just passed each other like we didn't know our presence is there.

Did I say that I used to hate him? Yes, since he left. He never knew what I've been through, but when Mika talked to me at first I didn't know what my reaction would be because she suddenly talked to me about that matter. While she was talking, every word she said was like a thorn in my heart as I knew what happened to Kuya Mark.

why did he do that? The question popped in my mind.

At that point, I understood him but somewhat I felt mad at him thinking about what he went through that he preferred to catch it all alone.

But until now he did nothing, I was waiting for him to open it up to me, to share it with me thinking that I'm not a kid anymore to make tantrums. I can understand, I do.

I went to his room knocking first to check if he was busy or something. A few seconds later I opened the door and went in.

"You need something?". This is the first time he talked to me, asking me, making words to me.

"Do you have time?". I reply.

"Of course, always for you". His words melt my icing wall.

I have to make a move. I realized it was like why didn't I make a way to fix it? I was only waiting for him but when he himself wanted to talk to me I turned my back on him and ran away. Mika and Sophie did everything they could for me, for us, to save our relationship. That's why, when I said, I wanted to be with her around because she always makes me realize something just like now.

"Have a seat". He said.

We're sitting across from each other where there is a small table between us.

It's harder than I thought. I thought it would be easy to speak up but right now, the silence almost ate us.

"I just want to s-".

"I'm sorry". I looked at him. He's looking at me with sincerity in his eyes. "I'm sorry Paul, for making you wait".

I feel like I'm stuck in my seat and can't find the right words to speak.

"I know, it's been hard for you to take all those pain". He started. "Leaving you behind without any words to say, I just couldn't find the right time, the right word to explain everything".

"How can you say those words?". I asked looking at his eyes full of pain.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's yo-".