Big Kids

My friends and I started the first day of kindergarden

with sweaty palms and runs in our tights

and Dillon got all bashful when he saw me get on the bus

and hid his head in the seat.

And Michelle and I played dress up for hours in her mothers closet

talking about what it would be like to act like

the big kids.

My friends and I started the first day of middle school

with sweaty palms and new jeans

and Dillon and I kissed under the jungle gym last year

but he liked another girl more than me.

And Michelle kissed all of her big brothers friends

and tried to be just like

the big kids.

My friends and I started the first day of high school

with sweaty palms and big text books

and Dillon has been dating Hannah for two months

and gives me looks in the hallway.

And it seems like Michelle has been trying to play dress up in her mothers closet again

and all the boys look at her and she loves it.

And it seems like no one will take you seriously unless

you’re a big kid.

My friends and I said goodbye the last day of Senior Year

with fond memories and our graduation caps

and Dillon took his own life last year

because Hannah forgot they were dating

for a night.

And Michelle stays home mostly now

because her baby needs her more than she needs her degree

and it scares me now

because we are

the big kids.