it's whatever you want it to be

this isn't me

A/N-this is right after Frank asked Gerard tell me where we go from here and during Vic's visit to Ori's and right after Vic got a call from Gee

Frank's pov
I ran out of Gerard's house as fast as I could. No one was home so I was alone. Changing out of my Close to a plain black shirt and switched my black jeans in for clean ones. Then I grabbed my black jacket and ran out of the house (I love wearing black). I wasn't really thinking about anything right now I was still very much surprised at myself. I don't even remember what had gotten me mad. I remember gerard not answering my question right away then saying something but I can't remember what. But it had gotten me mad and my first reaction was to punch him straight in the face. His noise started to bleed and he ran out of the room. I could hear Mikey asking him what happened. Then I jumped out the window and fell in the mud got up and ran to my house it was right next door. Now Im here running where the fuck am I running to I don't know Im just running. I hurt Gerard what's wrong with me. I hit him. The look on his face was pure fear I coused it me I made him scared. Now he thinks I don't want him I do. Who am I right now.
"Frank? " someone called my name. I stopped running and turned to see a tall thin figure standing in the dark. I wasn't angry anymore fuck I was just sad I didn't know I was crying till Ronnie stepped out of the dark and huged me "Frank what's wrong man" he said hugging me even tighter. I hugged him back "look man come on lets go to my house ok" he said now looking at me. I nodded and he pulled me across the street in to a big blue house. It was warm inside and sitting on the couch was Oliver. Shit he knows about me and Gerard. Ronnie sat me down next to Oliver then sat down next to me so I was in the middle. "Ok now Frank tell me tell us what's wrong I swear we'll help if we can" Ronnie said sounding worried. I looked up at him and started to cry again. Fuck Frank stop crying this is stupid. I mean I know why I feel like this cuz I hurt Gerard. Something I never wanted to do. I looked up at Ronnie again deciding he deserved an explanation because well I was in his house crying on his couch at around midnight.
"i-i h-h-hurt him" I cried out to him studdering and still crying. Ronnie looked at Oliver who then spoke
"who Frankie who'd you hurt man" Oliver said in a soft voice trying not to sound scared but doing a bad job. Why was he scared I thought. God I really hate myself right now. "Gerard I h-hit him"
"oh Ronnie um Bae could you leave us really quick" Oliver said Ronnie nodded and walked away. Did he just call him Bae what no that was not right. Oliver looked at me "Gerard texted asking if I'd seen you and if you were ok"
"he's not mad" I asked suddenly happy. Oliver laughed
"he's likes you Frankie more then you well ever know he could never be mad at you" he said " now wipe your tears man and it's OK" I nodded my head saying no.
"I hit him Oliver how is that ok" he was quite then looked up at me.
"Gerard is tuffer then you think yes it was wrong to hit him just cuz he told you he loves you bu-" I cut him off
"he told you" I shouted which made Ronnie run in to the room
"yes" oliver replied "look not all relationships are perfect Ok but it takes wanting and-" Ronnie cut him off this time
"love" he said simply smiling at Oliver. I looked down love isn't something I'm good at I mean look at me and my Mom I've never told her once in my life that I love her. "hey man just trust him he wants this to be with you now ask yourself do you want to" Ronnie said
"um I don't know" I said " I'm scared"
"of" they asked at the same time
"I dont know" I said. Ronnie sat down next to Oliver and hugged him he smiled at me. I " you never know what can happen it could be the best thing in the world" he said kissing Oliver on the cheek
"are you guys um" I said
"yeah we are" Oliver said kissing Ronnie.
"ok" I said. Maybe they were right maybe I should stop over thinking and just love. I mean he did say he loves me what am I scared of. I got up
"thanks guys I know what im ganna do now"
" ah where do you think you're going" Oliver said getting up "it's one in the morning and you live on the other side of town you're staying here" I looked at him pleadingly but I was tired so I sat down. "besides Gerard's on his way here" what no I really don't wanna see him right now but I have to tell him Im sorry and I love him to do I? I think I do I feel like I do. But this isn't me. Its not like me