♡Maybe I Don't Hate You | Yeongyu/Beomjun♡

Yeonjun's POV | 32

Look, I know Beomgyu is irritated with me, but I just can't bring myself to tell him that... well, I've known for a while. The phone call I had with my mom a few months ago? Yeah. That's when she told me, she texted me immediately after. But I was so afraid of breaking his heart so early on. Now I'm realising that telling him later was the worst idea. I wish I could go back in time and tell him before, when he didn't suspect anything, just so he could mentally prepare more. I'm so stupid. I'm such a shitty person for not telling him sooner. But each time I wanna tell him, I dread his reaction. I hate seeing him upset. I hate seeing him angry. I hate when he cries, or when he thinks he's not good enough. I hate seeing him unhappy in general.

...I'm leaving next week...

"Yeonjun get out!" He screamed from the other side of the door. "You're taking too long and the food is almost done!"

It's only like 5 pm.

"I'm coming!" I turned off the water, hopped out, dried off, tied my towel around my waist, and walked on out. I was immediately greeted by his shorter body as he wrapped his arms around me and put his head on my bare chest. "The food's done, and I laid out your clothes on the bed." He mumbled, his face still in between my pecs. "Some of your thoughts were thought out loud by the way." His voice cracked. "Go get changed, then we can talk... okay?" He stepped away from me and walked back to the kitchen, and I went to change into my clothes.

***

When I was done, I walked out to find him already waiting at the table on the floor with his legs crossed in the living room. I walked over and sat down on the opposite side.

"So, you're leaving next week?" He looked down into his lap and put both of his hands in closed fists and rested them on his knees.

"You could hear me?"

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His voice cracked even more this time, and he looked up at me. His neck grew red as he tried to swallow his sobs, holding them back. "Yeonjun, why the fuck did you wait to tell me now? It's been almost 3 months!"

"Beomms, look, I'm really sorry, I... I just... I wanted to tell you, and I was going to! I truly wanted to tell you sooner, but you looked too... happy..."

"What?"

"Beomgyu, I hate seeing you upset, I really do. It breaks my heart to hear you cry, or to see tears flowing from your eyes. It even hurts me when you frown. I was trying to wait for the right moment, but that never came around. I knew that it was wrong to wait for so long, but I really dreaded your reaction. I didn't mean for it to be like this baby." I began to sniffle, and tears began to well up. "I wanna see you happy all the time. I want you to be happy being my lover, my best friend, my everything. I can't imagine a world without you, my love. I'm begging for your forgiveness Beomgyu. I'm so sorry... I hope you understand." I started sobbing like a fucking baby. "I *sniffle* I understand your frustration with me, and I get that your emotions are stronger at this moment than they would've been if I had just told you sooner...*sniffle* I'm so stupid Beomms. I didn't wanna hurt you."

"You should've told me sooner." Me mumbled.

"That's the whole point I'm trying to make..." I cried.

"No, that's not what I meant. You were so focused on how I would feel, that you never considered how my feelings were affecting you Yeonjun. It's true that I'm upset, but it's clear that it hurt you much more. I wish you had told me your feelings earlier; about how you didn't wanna hurt me and stuff like that. Just because you're going away for a bit doesn't mean we need to break up... right? I'll talk to you every day, I'll send you pictures all the time... whatever pictures you want... and I'll even share recipes for you to try and follow. We can be together whilst being apart."