History (Nathan Gardner) - Complete

Quits.

"Nathan? What are you doing?"

"I'm pretty sure.. that I'm proposing to you.." he lets out a nervous laugh.. "I know it's crazy, but we like crazy don't we?" He smirks up to me, still down on one knee.. "Let's prove to your parents.. fuck let's prove to everyone, that we're in this for the long haul..so what do you say..Will you marry me Katie?"

I'm now struggling to speak, I can't believe he's actually asking this? We've only been together for what? No less than a year? Why is he asking me to marry him so soon?

Am I crazy if I say no?  Would saying no, ruin what we have? If I say no will he hate me? Are we rushing into it? Are we ready? Can we actually do this? Am I just overthinking this whole thing? If saying yes would make me happy? Being with him makes me happy.. I don't need a ring..

We don't need to prove to anyone that we're together do we? Especially not my parents.

But what if I say yes? That's it we're together forever, or so I would hope. He can't leave if I say yes right? Which is all I've ever wanted? A family, a partner who won't leave me, who won't hurt me.. and I love him, I really do, but marriage, it's.. huge.. it's..

"Katie?" He asks, and I realise I've been stood, thinking and blankly staring at him for too long.. "Are you thinking about it?" he scrunches up his nose with that dorky smile that I absolutely love, but my expression doesn't change. I'm still in shock.

"Nathan.." I whisper softly.. and then the expression on his face suddenly changes.

"Oh.. you were thinking about it.. um.." he looks dejected, which now I feel awful about... "Sorry, forget it.. it was a stupid idea right.."

"Not a stupid idea, I just".. I try to explain but he cuts me off again.

"But you're not saying yes.. don't worry, it's ok.. I get it.." He cuts me off.. "You don't wanna marry me.." he stands fully, awkwardly straightening out his jacket, before putting the ring back in his pocket.

"I never said that.. I just.. are we ready for this? We've only been together for.. god not even a year yet.."

"Look just forget I asked.." he brushes some sand off his knee, clearly quite embarrassed that he seems to think I've said no, which I haven't... "It's getting late we better get home.."

"Babe, come on.. don't be.." I try, but he starts walking away, not wanting to hear me out, he stuffs his hands into his pockets, as I follow behind, I try to stop him, but the moods gone, he doesn't want to talk, or stay, he wants to go home.. I feel awful, he won't look at me, and I just feel like crying. Why didn't I just say yes? Why did my over thinking mind have to play their games?

He's still nice to me, still gives me a kiss every now and then but I can tell there's something off. His mood changed as soon as I questioned the proposal.. have I ruined what we have?

It doesn't get any easier when we return back to work in the fall. I have to concentrate on my own class now, but Nathan's the head of department.. technically my boss.. which is great.. kinda.. we attend meetings together, and I really thought sharing the same job, being in the same place would be fun, meeting up for lunch, sneaking around but that doesn't happen, something has changed, he has changed, and I don't like it. All because I wasn't sure if we were ready to make such a big step? When he doesn't visit me for lunch it hurts, I don't know why, but it does. I know he doesn't need to see me on our lunch break, but I thought it would a sweet thing to do.

One day, when the final bell sounds, I'm packing up my things, ready to leave for the day. I make my way up to Nathan's classroom to see if he's ready to go. When I reach the room, I give a little knock, before giving the door open a push. He's sat at his desk, his glasses on the edge of his nose, concentrating on something.. I don't say anything, I just go and sit at one of the tables, waiting.. and it hurts because he doesn't look up. He just continues on looking at whatever he's doing. I simply sigh, and stand back up, making my way over to the door, giving him one last look before I leave out the classroom to make my own way home.