The True Story of a Friendships Battle

Finding Out the Truth

This is the part that happened  about three days after we last hung out. I remember getting a thousand texts,  a thosand phone calls, and a thousand Facebook messages. I remember when I got out of the pool at my shore house with my friends and sat down. I picked up my phone and a book I had to read over summer vaction. I remember picking up my phone to start playing music and realizing all the texts, inboxes, and calls I missed. I remember being so worried that something terrible happened. I remember the thought of a thought of something happening to my dog, or my house or one of my friends were hurt. I remember the feeling of my heart racing and having to get up and going inside. I remember calling back every person that called and having them tell me the exact same thing. First, they told me that Heather was in the hospital. They also told me after a moment of complete silence that she died. She died just hours after being put in the hospital. The doctors had tried everything, so they say. They say she over worked her heart. They said she wasn't going to live a long life anyway and it's better that she died in her sleep than in the pain that she was predicted to live through. 

You want to know what I say? I say BULLCRAP.

I don't mean to act like some really bad teenage movie character but honestly, people come back from it all the time. My best friend is gone because they couldn't do anything? My best friend is gone because some asshole didn't get to her in time? My best riend had a great death compared to what they thought was going to happen? Yeah, I'm sorry but that's a load of shit. My best friend's dead because someone was an asshole and didn't do their job correctly. No one has ever really heard me say that but trust me, I really want to say it. I want to scream it from roof tops. 

After I found out the news I went straight home. My dad took me home and I stayed with Heather's cousin who happened to be my best friend at the time. I just wanted to be alone and so did he. We stayed together at his house and it was the darkest time any of us had gone through. Heather's brother was also staying with them. The house was filled with something a lot more gloomy than just plain sadness. I think they were going through what I was going through in my head. We all went through it by ourselves. In our heads. Without anyone else we tried making sense of what happened just days earlier. I think that's when everything went wrong because my life didn't get any better. Almost a full year later and I'm still making sense of it. I'm still trying to put the pieces of my life together. 

What I'm going through is what someone who just dropped a mirror off a building, trying to find every single piece of glass and put them back together. Eventually, you may do it but it'll be nothing like the mirror it once was. It'll be years until you can even find all the pieces and then even longer until you can put them together. After all that hard work, you will still end up with nothing.

There are times when I think I'll be stuck like this. I'll be stuck as the self-harming, depressed teenager forever. I'm getting ahead of myself though. Maybe later we can get to that part.