Amelia Earhart: Coconut Crab Island

Amelia and the coconut crabs.

Amelia Earhart was on a flight that would have taken her around the world. Had she not have stopped on a small, uninhabited island to smoke a cig and take a bathroom break. The island was uninhabited by humans. But not by coconut crabs. There was plenty of those. Beleive it or not, she was abducted by coconut crabs, who had taken over the island. They originally took her to their king. He took a liking to her, and they were married after only dating for a week. But the king had a bit of a drinking problem. Something Amelia thought she could get him to quit. It wasn't long before she realized getting him to quit was just not going to happen. She started losing interest in the king after catching him kissing a monkey while drunk and claiming he thought it was her. She began seeing the kings own brother behind the kings back. The king would find out about this and had Amelia arrested and thrown in the dungeon. It was around this time that the king sold her airplane on craigslist. One night, in a drunken stupor, he pulled Amelia from the dungeon and declared a feast for all the crabs of the island and began eating her. The kings brother tried to intervene and a brutal fight to the death ensued. The king was not exactly on point with his fighting because of his drunken state, and the brother was fighting viciously because he was on PCP. The king would lose the fight and therefore his crown. The brother would be declared the new king of the island. In the craziness of it all he failed to realize that the fight was in vain. The other crabs had eaten poor Amelia already. The brother would never get over her death, for he truly loved her. He would take his own life with a shotgun immediately after, leaving the crabs with no king. Which they were okay with. They didn't really need one. Because they are just crabs.