Tag, Your It!

Chapter 5

One month and two weeks

Voices. A thousand of them. Talking, whispering, shouting. Curses bouncing from every center of my brain. Their tormented screams begging pleading for something, anything.

Its as if pandora's box was opened at the epicenter of my brain. Releasing its content to scatter and tear at my inside. To claw at my aching heart. Consume my tired lungs. Swarm my stomach. Just to ravish whats left of me.

It was all too much at once. They were everywhere and nowhere. My skin prickles as they charge through my blood stream. Every single cell electrified. Every nerve strung tight as though they were tied together by strings.

My body no longer my own. My flesh no longer mine. My mind and soul foul, corupted. My organs controlled by an unknown. They pump and squeeze every last drop of energy. They move my muscle to do task I no longer have controll of.

They have a strong hold over my heart. Like hands grasping a ball ready for pitch. Squeeze too harde it explodes, pulse it at its right paste your fine but no. Their hold is firm, frigtening even.

I am no longer in controll of my body. I am not myself. My eyes are no longer mine. I watch from after but so close.

This darkness is threathing. Yet it assures me that it is there. To stay and to keep me safe. To keep me out of harms reach. To love and to care for me. Its comforting. It cradles me like a new born.

The shadow, this darkness is like a mother. It loves in stranges ways. Letting me know that I no longer have to worry.

But I worry.

"Beth," it whispers just like my mother. Unforgiving.

"Beth," another whisper.

I jolt upright. Chest rising and falling at an uneven manner. Sweat coats my clothes and my face. I'm out of breathe.

"Beth?"

I turn my body to the voice. My mother standing as if she'd seen a ghost.

"Are you alright," she says "you've been screaming."

I look around its dark and the clock say ten. I'd been asleep for six hours. I look back at my mother who is just standing there. Eyes the softest i've seen in so long.

"Mom," I say. Not my voice. I place my hands at my throat.

Not my hands. Its getting hard to breath. They tighten as if to strangle me. I look up for the owner of these hands. My mother.

She's on top of me. She stradles me as she digs deeper into my throat. Her face holds disgust. Pity. Shame.

"You devil, I wish i'd never birth such a creature like you," her voice is so harsh

"You remind me so much of that man," she say "his eyes, his lips god even his face."

I can't breathe. I feel hot.

"I should have kill you, you worthless piece of shit."

So harsh. So mean. So unloving. My eyes feel heavy. Her hands feel like an escape. My vision is beginning to blur and I feel the last of my strength depleating. I am dying.

I am falling. I am drowning and burning by hot flames. I feel my body being disconnected from its joints and popped back in like a doll.

I am dying.

I am drowning.

I am being dislocated.

I am on fire.

I am dying.

Loud noice escape my throat as I am pulled from that nightmare. My breathing is short. I claw at my throat at an invisible force. I am frantic as I look around. No one but me. No shadows. No mother. Just me.

My body is damp. My shirt is stuck to my body. My hair a mess. My forehead coated with sweat. My hands still clawing at my throat.

It felt so real. I felt the pressure. The weight of my mothers hands around my neck. It felt like I was actually dying.

I let out a shaky breathe. I manage to throw the covers off my body and headed to the bathroom switching the lights on. I stand infront of my mirror and I am frozen. Time has frozen.

I look and I search. My body is not my body. Hand prints circle my throat. Dark prints. Bruised. Bluish.

I gasp. Close and open my eyes. Repeat.

My eyes are no longer my own. My face is no longer my own. My contour is no longer my own. My body is a shell.

I am watching as I touch whats no longer mine. I am no longer in my body.

Repeat.

Repeat.

I am no longer myself.