The Song of the Apocalypse

It was always like this.
Black autumn leaves instead of yellowy orange.

He's out cold on the other side of the bed.
Mourning doves coo a low call,
a call of fervent yearning
and urgent fleeing.
"Why don't you just leave?" They chide.. uselessly,
for i've grown accustomed to this..

His cracked voice and teary eyes begging me to stay.
His sudden stirred spleen that lashes out mercilessly.
They all lull me into a false sense of security.
And I've finally found solace in his familiar ways.

He gave me his heart,
enwreathed with none other than poison ivy.
And love is best forged in fire is it not?
A fire I would want to consume me.
"Because no one loves me as much as he does.. no one ever will," I mumble wistfully.

"But is that truly love?" they flutter away.

It's only ever been cold nights with my arms around myself,
for who could kindle such an empty soul who has only known blue fireplaces?
But that was only until he came along..
with his glut of ardor..

"It wasn't always that bad," my thoughts intrude as i lay here
chained down, smothered with his devotion, burned by his warmth, and scarred by his affection,

all in the name of love.

Tick tock
My life hinges on someone ever so fickle, ever so needy.
Tick tock
I can feel my sense of control seeping from my once deft fingers.
Tick tock
It's finally here..
Tick tock
the promised day.

He shuffles in bed and sinks further down the quilt, as though hiding away.
Where could he possibly go anyway?
besides lower lows
where darkness perpetually flows.

I hold him high towards a glint of light only to plunge him back down to witness our final drown.

My heart beats furiously, my head spins, and my body aches.
I can barely stay still my love
but believe me when i say oh, how I long for you.

I clutch his heart and with mopey steps drag him around.
It's been an aimless wander so far but no matter!

—

The callous breeze cuts through,
the neighborhood dims and holds its breath.
I'm in his arms on this very balcony.

"Don't ever let me go, okay?" He smiles softly, blushing like a boy.
"Because I don't ever want to let go of you either," he vaguely continues.. but no matter!
It will all be over soon.
So whisper sweet nothings in my ear,
and embrace me while it lasts my dear,
for my love will bring insanity and chaos i fear.

—

You may have played your villain role all too well
But that's only because I left out mine..

for my love was never any better,
it's nasty
and it adheres nimbly to faultless skin
sucking at what's left of reason and rationality.
Like a leech, one so fervently rigid
after having forgotten how to treat a lover.

But darling forgive me,
for my love simply knows no boundaries.

Carried away by the soft whispers of passion,
with a gaze so deep it reached his soul,
I press a sleek pistol up against his head and glide my fingers along his jaw.

He was perfect to the last detail and the moment seemed to stretch on for hours.

"So in the end, you do not fear death? You are almost inviting death to come. You say you love some chaos and insanity. I suppose that is why you are here on this very balcony, looking dead into my eyes, with a gun in your hand. You have no fear, no shame.

In many ways I envy you, to have no fear is to be free, is it not?" he speaks almost nonchalantly.

Scowling, I slowly pull the trigger.
Give me something, anything.
Yet he retains his idle expression.
"Come on," I urge him.
No answer.
"You know what I want.

I want to see your eyes wide with tears again, pattering glossy drops of empathy
because maybe then,
will u finally see what lays underneath
these crumbled walls and cracked sheath," I condescend with a broad smile.

Painful isn't it?
Hurt people, hurt people.
But surprisingly enough,
drop drop drop his tears away.
It is an image I shall burn to my mind.
Don't keep it from me my love
and let me take in this power from above.

"Is this what you wanted?" He looks away in shame.
My smile falters, "No matter what you do, you'll never care the way I want you to.

But you are mine to kiss, to kill, to keep.
So you'll do this for me right?" I cradle his head and seek for the slightest twitch of hesitance.

The thing with human thoughts is that they're incomplete, but their hearts are a different matter.
My words have already lost their meaning, and I am nothing but a slave to a force beyond my control.

A love such as ours,
one that defies all logic, all reason,
is a source of both strength and weakness.

He pulls me into a distant embrace
and with the softest of voices, warmest of smiles, he hums and takes my hand in his as his bandages instinctively unravel.

And yet.. his skin itches, his muscles tighten,
he gulps hard and feigns a composed expression,

"I traveled this world far and wide to play the ultimate song... the song of the apocalypse.
One so glorious, so dazzling, so magnificent, that all who hear it will be left breathless.
Now, my love, let us sing our fatality together,
It is a symphony that shall make the heavens tremble".

—

The doves call out uselessly once again,
"Why didn't you just leave,
Dazai?"