A letter to my beloved friend

Every Sunday around 7 p.m. her father would travel to Kingstown, the capital of the main island of Saint Vincent, to take his bananas to the port, so they could get shipped to England. This is how he made his money, as a farmer and a businessman. He had this long-bed Mitsubishi maroon colour truck, I believe it was a Mitsubishi. 

Mind you, to me, a teenage boy at the time, he was a very intimidating structure of a man, a tall dark strapping man. I was scared of him, to say the least, plus he didn't say much to people in the community, and if i am  honest, that was the perception most people had of him, based on his demeanour, physical appearance and personality.

So every Sunday evening after football training. I would wait until he was off to take his shipment to the capital, to capitalise on the opportunity to see my beautiful friend Jamilia.

I was like 15 years old at the time, and I loved football, so there was no way I was missing training to see a girl, at least so I thought. I mean, I was dedicated to the sport. No girls were breaking the bond I had with football then. 

I retract, For Jamilia Jones though, I'll cut any training session short. Perhaps, for like 30 minutes every Sunday just to go see her. Okay, I am joking, sometimes I'll cut training for a whole hour, so I can get ready in time, sit by the main road, and wait for her father's truck to go by, then off i went, hoping i can spend more time with her. At least so I hoped. Believe me, it wasn't even guaranteed but it was worth the gamble.

Most Sundays I'll get my cousin Junior 'Mocho', to join me on this mission because he had a crush on her elder sister. This mission was just pure joy, a teenage love story. Though there were Sundays I'd only see her for 20 minutes, others only 2 minutes, and some, I never got to see her at all. Then, I'd have to wait 7 more days hoping I'll get another opportunity to do so. Though the 7 days of waiting seemed long it was well worth it

Sundays were our thing, as she attended one of the top all-girls secondary schools on the island, a private catholic school, and she was a Jehovah witness. Only now I understand why her father worked so hard to afford that, and why he was so damn adamant that boys weren't destroying his motives for his daughter.

Weekdays were a big no-no for us. She always prided her school work over anything, no boys were coming between that, not even me, yet that attracted me more.

To prevented her father's stern correction, as she loved and respected him very highly. She never wanted to get caught doing the opposite

There are a few people we meet in life and have a genuine connection with, you can talk to them about anything, they'd love you for who you are, the way you are, without anything in exchange. In all fairness I didn't have much to exchange, after all, we were children, but what i can tell you, one thing i has was my confidence.

We never had a physical relationship, even though people would tell her father maybe we were engaging in such. It was never true, but at 15 years old, I already had a bad reputation with the girls. I was ahead of my friends when it came to the ladies because of my confidence, and if I am honest most of the girls were just friends, but let's just say, I had a lot of their attention. So everyone thought i was out sharing penis like turkey on thanksgiving.

At this specific time in history, I only had eyes for one. That was Jamilia, her confidence matched mine, though a less fortunate boy, living in a little shank, it didn't bother her, her intellect, the way she thought about life and the people close to her. Our friendship was platonic, though I wanted more, it became that genuinely and naturally.

I met her at the change of the new millennium when technological devices and platforms were becoming increasingly popular like High5, Tagged, Facebook and Blackberry smartphones surfaced. I had neither, my family didn't have electricity at home to even afford internet or even a mobile device to message her beforehand. There were times I'd walk 2-3 miles to see her, hoping she'd be outside waiting. A lot of times it was just faith, with a lot of disappointments too.

Other times, I was met with obstacles. Like, her stepmother will have her so occupied I won't get to see her. I guess she was just doing her part as a mother. When I did get the chance to see her though, we had the best conversations, about life, about other humans' inability to master their physical experiences, it's like she wasn't so impressed with their efforts or somehow believed they were crushed with minimal effort.

Man, along with those banging conversations, I'd get a hug and a smile. I can recall her gorgeous face, eyes like high beams on a dark foggy winter night. I may have had a little kiss, or peck, don't quote me on that, but that would make my whole week a lot better at school.

She had the most beautiful goofiest smile ever, that lit up your world. You'd only get to see that smile if she likes you. If you didn't know her, you'd swear she had an attitude or beef with you, her face was always in a "ready to catch these hands" mood, but it was never that. She loved a good laugh and giggle. I could see those cheeks swell up like a puffer fish right now, as they touched each ear every time she laughed.

Yeah, she was a straight shooter, and took zero disrespect, well she thought men who approached her randomly in the streets were disrespectful, she'd say,
"Like who gave you the authority to think I'd entertain you in public?!"

So you know my confidence had to be A1 to get her attention, or maybe I was a smooth criminal with the girls. I think she probably just liked me enough to authorise my approach. I remember, a mentally challenged man was so caught up in his emotions with her, to which she had no clue, but one Sunday I went by myself to see her and he chased after me with a stick in his hand just cause he thought he loved her more than me.

He believed I was his competition. I hit him with a stone and ran out of my damn flip-flops, man I ran for my life. Imagine waiting 7 days to see your love, just to be chased by a madman. What do you know about getting your heart broken like that, on top of that I had to wait another 7 days hoping, just hoping to see her again.

A very confident, intelligent, well-spoken and well-poised young woman. I know your family are going to miss you. I saw you last year, but you never said you were going on a trip my dear, I hope you fully enjoyed your journey here, and that God is well pleased with you, my love Jamilia. I wish I wasn't so caught up on the physical aspects of life when I tried to see you the couple of times I visited the island. I wish I remembered the genuine friendship, your good heart, that precious love we had growing up, instead of trying to, "chill at my place."

People say, "It is the Lord's will", tell me why I feel chills, running down my spine, trying to combine, these thoughts of mine, into words, so that the world knows of you. How loving you were, a little grumpy at times, yet still the sweetest, especially with that smile. I wish for a while, I had a chance to tell you that I genuinely cared and loved you, just for being you, just for reminding me to be me, for believing in me. If i knew that last year when you hugged me was the last time i was going to hug you, i'd held you a bit longer.

I pray the Lord forgive you of your sins, I pray by his Grace he accepts you in his wings, there are so many things, I have to say, but as your body goes back to the clay, and your spirit the Lord's way, I wish you could have stayed here a little longer, and I pray day by day, your family grows stronger, because their sweet Jamilia has gone somewhere yonder.

To my dearest friend.

Jamilia J Jones

I love you 💜