Synopsis: Philip has been questioning his gender identity for a while now. However, he hasn't been able to find a term to describe himself and finally decides to ask Shoutaro for help
CW// transphobia mentions, references to past suicide attempts
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Philip wasn't used to having a problem he couldn't simply look up. Any questions he had about things in this world was just a quick lookup away from being solved. And yet, there was one thing that no matter what he tried, nothing ever came up that made him feel satisfied with it.
In normal cases, Philip assumed he would probably bug Shoutaro and ask if he had any ideas on more keywords to use to get what he wanted. However, this was not a normal case. At least, that was how Philip described it. This issue was about him. Philip didn't necessarily like talking about issues he had. Even if he trusted Shoutaro a lot, he was scared of change. Scared of finding out something about himself that made everything change around him.
But, Philip was at his limit. He had tried so hard to think of anything that would help him. Had read whatever he could find about this issue. But yet he never felt like he had the answer he was looking for. Just what was he doing wrong?
It was a bit late when Philip got the courage to finally approach Shoutaro about this issue. Said man was trying to sleep. Philip didn't necessarily have much regard for that though.
"Shoutaro."
Shoutaro let out a groan. "What?"
"I need help."
"Can't it wait until morning?"
"No. It's... been bugging me for too long. I can't take not knowing anymore."
That was enough to get Shoutaro to sit up. "Not like you to not be able to know something. So, what is it?"
Philip took a seat on the edge of the bed. "I... have been thinking about things and... I don't know that my gender is that of a male. But, I can't find what is going on with me. I've read so much about things and yet... nothing feels like me."
"So... what exactly does you feel like then?" Shoutaro questioned. Philip was relieved at the fact there were no further questions about anything. Just Shoutaro jumping on the issue.
"That's... the hard part. It's weird." Philip tried his best to explain. "I sometimes don't mind being perceived as what you would call male, but there are other days where I just despise the thought of being called such."
"Do you want to be called a girl on those days?"
"Some of those days, yes. But sometimes even that doesn't feel right. I've looked into so much regarding being transgender and yet... all the words I've read don't feel right for me."
"What words have you read?"
"Well, looking up wanting to be a girl is just being a trans girl. Looking up feeling like neither gender brings up nonbinary. But yet... neither fits me. Because I don't only feel one." Philip said, "Am I missing a keyword, Shoutaro? Is there something I'm not looking at properly? Or am I not transgender and this is something else? Do you know?"
Shoutaro sighed as the bombardment of questions. "Philip... let's take this one at a time. So, have you ever looked up all those genders together?"
"Nothing came up."
"Eh?!"
"Should something have?"
"Well, I'm not the most knowledgeable about this stuff but I believe what you are experiencing may be something under the genderfluid umbrella." Shoutaro stated.
