Sophrosyne

Mirror

reflection I see is just only
Me
Nothing special there...

Every second of the day,
I spent it looking at it
The object on the wall
To see if I look pretty enough
On my way outside

I will use it to see if my make up is off
Or pop a pimple
Or just talking to myself
It's almost scary

Until this object isn't an object anymore
It's a thing
It's a Person
A person who just looks in to your eyes
And tells the "Truth"...

Every night
I would face this Person
I would face Her
Naked
I touch my body as if it were a vase
that can be easily broken by one wrong move

All I see is the total opposite of what I want to be
My mind is loosing it self by what I see
My eyes see and tell me
Lies that is covered by the Truth

My mouth closes every meal before I put it in my mouth
I can't eat what I love anymore
I can't eat what I hate anymore
My mouth is stitched
Glued with cement...

As days turn to weeks
As weeks turn into months
As months turn into years
The number is dropping...
Like I hoped it would be
Judging myself by a number
Comparing my body to others who wish they have my own

They say it's a phase
It is never a phase
I'm hungry
I can't eat
My stomach growls as my brain silence it
I'm trapped
My body is eating itself from the inside

It's never a diet thing
It's never a goal thing

Each bite I take in my mouth
Is soon tears of disappointment
Breaking a promise that I made
With the Person

I see her,
Nothing but bones
I cry...
Because somehow I'm still blind
I cannot see the Truth
I cannot see her yelling for Help...

This Person
This She
This Object
It all started by one glance that I refuse to not notice

I'm not killing myself
I never was...
I'm not starving myself
I never meant to...
I do accept myself
But something is forbidding me to do so

She is killing me
She is starving me
She is controlling what I think

This Person
This Object
This Mirror
Is the only enemy I have
That can be so easily broken
With a rock...
But I forbid of doing