The Boy Next Door

Chapter 14 - Confession

Jade's POV

It's been almost an hour of complete and utter silence. From the car to the hotel, my mouth has stayed absolutely shut. The people surrounding me might say that I look numb. I know that numb isn't a description of appearance. But when you don't know what to feel, and you aimlessly stare at nothing, how else would you describe it?

I don't know whether to feel betrayed, upset, hurt, or happy. Most people would probably question me for my pinch of happiness even when I feel like breaking down. In hindsight, I saw this coming. How could it have not? Zoe's loved him from the beginning, and I knew that. I just knew it. Hell, I even knew it before she did. I'm happy that she finally admitted it. I also have no idea what to say. I can't be mad at her. No one can control how they feel. No one can control what feelings they develop and who they develop them for. 

My mind has been running in circles. What am I?

I guess I was expecting for Alfie to speak up and say that he loved me, as I know he does. Or does he? What makes it worse is that Zoe has anxiety. I know that I sound like a horrible person but I hate it. People sympathize with her. Half a day has passed, and all anyone can say is 'Zo? You alright? Zo? You okay? Zo? How are you feeling?' And it's all because of this giant breakdown she had after her confession to Alfie. I know it was never Zoe's intention to hurt me. I know that her not-so-discreet secret was eating her alive. But really, when people ask about how she feels, I can't help but clench my fists and hold myself back. No one can tell I'm angry either because I've been emotionless for a few hours now. Emotionless and silent. Maybe deep down, I envy Zoe for all the attention she gets. No one ever asked me if I was okay. No one. I couldn't even handle dinner with my friends and family. Everyone's so happy and cheerful. Or, they sympathize with Zoe on this whole situation. I ran off before my plate got to the table. I excused myself. I told them all I was going to the restroom. But, it's been about two hours since then and no one's checked on me or wondered where I was. 

 As I sit on this California king bed, I hear the suite's door creak open. While I hear the shuffling of shoes rubbing against the carpet, I take the time to tuck myself into bed, hiding from who's in the room. I pull the duvet over my head. The door creaks as it shuts. The shoes rub against the carpet once more, he shuffling noise continues. Though I can't see whoever's out there, I already know. The boy sits down on the empty side of the bed. 

"Jade? Can we please talk?" Alfie's voice calls. I remain silent as I have the whole day. "Please, let's just talk this out." He says, voice filled with guilt and sadness. "I know you're upset. I'm upset at myself too. It doesn't make you feel any better, I know that. But, I guess I'm just confused."

"How can you be confused?" Tears stream down my face and I finally break. Alfie tries to pry the white duvet from me, but I grip onto it like a shield. "Don't try taking this damn thing away from me! It's the only form of comfort I have left!" I yell. 

"I-I'm sorry." He stutters.

"No you're not! I know you're not! If you really wanted to comfort me, or even bother caring about me, you would have chased after me when you realized I wasn't coming back to the dinner. You would have shown a little ounce of concern on your face. But no, that's not what happened. The rest of the day, I was fucking ignored. Ignored by everyone! You the most!" I yell. My heart rips with every word.

"I just thought that--"

I peel the duvet from my body and sit up angrily. This the first time he's said a word to me all day. I look at his eyes, and speak softly, "That what Alfie? That I needed space? Alfie, if I needed space from any of you, I would have just taken a flight back home. I've been needing for someone to talk to. And maybe, just maybe I got my hopes up a little too high. I fantasized about you pulling me aside and asking me if I'm okay or how I felt. And if you didn't know what to say, you could have at least told me that you're confused and you don't know what to say to me, Alfie." Tears fall onto the bed and leave numerous droplet stains.

"You know what, Jade? You were silent the whole fucking day! So don't give me all this 'you should have said something' bull shit. You want me there for you? You should have said that!" His voice begins to rise. "Did you ever think that I didn't talk because I'm trying to think about what to do? You're not the one who's starting to go insane over what's happening! I am! I'm going absolutely crazy thinking about this! So, you know what? I'm sorry that I pushed that thought aside while we're here for holiday because I want to have a good time. I'm sorry that I'm laughing with our mates and acting like everything's okay! I know things aren't okay and you don't have to act like you're the victim! So I would kindly appreciate if you sucked it up because how I feel shouldn't be any of your concern!"

I bite my lip and stand. If doesn't want me to care? Fine. I won't. If he doesn't want me to feel anything? Fine. I won't. I'll just forget. I walk over to my luggage that I never unpacked and haul one bag over my shoulder. I yank the handle bar of my smaller suitcase and roll it towards the door. 

"Jade, wait." Alfie begins to follow.

I look at him directly. "It's fine." I smile, "You don't have to worry about me anymore."

"I didn't mean what I said I just got fired up. It's all just banter and I--" He rushed.

"Go be happy. We're on holiday. I'll do the same. Just... Do me a favor? Please?" I neared him. Our noses were touching. He searched my eyes. 

I could feel his breath brushing against my lips as he spoke, "I'll do anything for you. Please don't leave. I--"

"Okay. You'll do me this favor right, Alfie? Once you do this, we can talk it out and everything will go back to normal."

"What do you want me to do?" 

I looked down to my feet, and then gazed at him once more. If I do this now, it can save us the pain. "Forget about me." I kissed him on the cheek and walked out the door sobbing.

The hallway seemed longer than it previously was. I hit the button for the lift, and hope that there's someone in the lobby I know that can get me to Carrie's hotel.

"Jade!" I hear Alfie yell. He sprints towards the elevator. Time slows down, as he screams, "Wait!" The doors of the lift begin to slam shut. I hear him bang onto the doors in aggravation, "I love you."