The Super Enrichment Programme

Combat Training

‘GOOD MORNING CLASS!’ a deep voice yelled making everyone, except Nick and Kat, jump.

‘I’m Mr Lee and I’ll be your Comeback Combat Coach for this year.’

‘Huh?’ I muttered and Emma nodded.

Seeing the blank faces he continued; ‘Comeback Training teaches you how to argue with the enemy, whilst Combat teaches you to fight them,’

There was a collective ‘Ah,’ from around the room as Mr Lee started to hand out booklets.

‘In here are your most useful phrases. And just a quick note: This lesson is NOT an excuse to swear, there are more effective ways of arguing than swearing at each other.’ Mr Lee paused mid-throw to give us that piece of information. Me and Emma looked at each other and smirked.

I picked up a booklet and flicked through. There were things in there about ‘Attempting to get them to fight with you, not against you,’ and ‘what to do if they steal your next comeback!’ I couldn’t help laughing at the last one. I have a feeling this lesson will be incredibly fun.

‘We’ll start by getting into pairs and insulting each other using the booklets. EVERYONE ON THEIR FEET!’ Mr Lee yelled, making me jump again and stumble clumsily to my feet. Emma laughed at me so I chose an insult to throw.

‘How dare you laugh at me you yellow bellied slug, laughing is my job!’ I put on a posh accent and forced myself to keep a straight face throughout. Emma hurriedly flicked through the pages to choose her comeback.

‘I will laugh all I please, I am the only hero here!’ she called, in a similar posh voice that came out slightly Australian. I feigned being offended before breaking out in peals of giggles at the same time as Emma.

The next hour and a half was pretty much the same; insulting each other, laughing at each other, jumping when Mr Lee shouted more instructions and laughing some more.

‘I feel a six pack coming on,’ Emma groaned as we left the classroom, still giggling. We walked along until I noticed our names on the wall.

‘Emma!’ I yelled stopping dead and grabbing her bag to pull her back.

‘Look,’ I said pointing to the names on the wall.

‘These are our lockers Gem,’ Emma said, placing her hand on the metal underneath her name. When she pulled it away, the door swung open to reveal its contents.

‘Okay, why do you have a gym kit?’ I asked. As far as I could tell there was no gym on our timetable.

‘Just open yours,’ Emma sighed as she pulled out a pair of white football shorts, lilac football socks and a lilac polo. There were also a pair of white Nike’s, in her size.

I placed my hand on my locker and waited as the door swung open.

‘What?’ I muttered as I pulled out a kit that was identical to Emma’s, except that the Nike’s were in my size.

I grabbed my kit and followed Emma to the changing rooms.

‘There are instructions?’ I asked incredulously, pointing to a sign on the wall,

It read:

Place kit in box next to cubicle

Go inside cubicle

When back wall turns green walk forward.

We left our bags on a bench and went over to two cubicles.

‘See you in a bit,’ Emma muttered and I smiled nervously, placing my kit in the box.

The door swung closed behind me with a click.