Laken cowered in the corner, her father standing in front of her with a beer bottle in his hand and his eyes were ringed with red. His brown hair was greasy and receding in almost horns by this point. His lips were a taunt line that she doubted even a crane could get open until he spoke. His words were meant to hurt her and by God did they ever. "Listen you little whore. You are not allowed to sleep around all your little lesbian friends if you won't even please your father!" She shivered in disgust involuntarily which lead to a smack across her cheek and her falling to her side. The throbbing in her cheek surely meant there was a mark left but she didn't risk touching it lest he think she was raising it to defend herself. She didn't try to get up as soon as her father stormed away, muttering curse words about her loudly.
As soon as his bedroom door slammed shut and caused the whole house to rock, she got up and ran to her bedroom. Tears were no longer there, she never cried. It was impossible considering how many tears she had already cried and how many could be possibly left. With mechanical movements, Laken put on a white tank top, a snow white leather jacket and a pair of short jean shorts that were frayed at the ends. "Bye, Daddy..." She said with a small sad whisper before slipping out her window and sliding to the ground. It hurt her, jumping from the second story, but she was so use to it she just kept walking until she made it to the forest that was around her.
"Home.." She said as she looked around her and saw nothing that was not unfamiliar. Everything she saw was what she had began to know as home. Laken's father had started beating her, calling her names, and trying to force her to sleep him for the past four years. Ever since her step-mother ran away from him. She had learned not to cry, not scream, and definitely not to fight back. That would only bring more pain and if she had any more pain in her body, she would surely break from it.
Without thinking much more, she stumbled over to an old birch tree, pulling back a small section of grass that revealed a leather bound notebook and a well worn and chewed pen. She flipped it open to almost the end of the pages, indentations of writing on the front and back of all the pages. In writing she lost her thoughts easily.
It was the same again today. This time no bruises, only my cheek and being called a whore. Oh where is my prince when I need him? Will he come in shining armor or riding in the shades of darkness to take me far away from here at midnight? I am lost now. I don't know what else to do so I suppose I will wait. I know not what awaits me but what I do know is one day I will be free of him and I will live.
Crawling up into Daddy's lap when dad was still Daddy. Nodding my head against his chest soaking in the comfort of his heart. Listening to the thump...thump somewhere beneath muscle and breastbone. I remember his arms their sublime encircling, and the shadow of his voice. "I love you, little girl. Put away your bad dreams. Daddy's here" I put them away, Until Daddy became my nightmare that one that came home from work every day and instead of picking me up, chased me far far away.
She just stared at the words on the page and then shook her head. It was not like her to write about her past but that memory was too strong. Her dad use to be a good man. That is so easy to know, to see, to hear. She wished it would all go back to that, but Laken knew it wouldn't. She was on her own as far as she could remember.
Laken watched the ground around her body, the dead leaves cocooned around her slim form as she stared at the thin lake in front of her. She had seen a falling star before, but she didn't give it much thought as she spoke aloud, something she had never done ever before in her life. "God, why can't you send me a protector? Someone to defend me? I need one. One that would care for me and not just everything else." Her words were soft and thick, like she wanted to cry but couldn't. She didn't say anything else though as she remembered when it all had started, the one pain she never did like to remember.
The door slammed, shaking the house. Her step-mother's voice shouting at the top of her lungs, a hard and scary voice it had Laken cowering and it wasn't even directed at her, it never was. "I DON'T LOVE YOU!" Those four words made an almost inhuman roar come from the same room and then a dull thump. When she looked back up, her step-mother was holding her head, blood coming from a cut, but her mother ran out the room. That was the first night her father had beaten her. That memory she thought she had locked away but instead it was there and wanting to be open. She complied just because she was feeling to alone to deny it.
Ropes dug into her skin, blood drying already over them as she whined in pain. Another sharp jab had her loose her breath as her father's greedy hands touched her body. She had already tried kicking and thrashing, trying to get him far away from her but it has only gotten her bruises, cuts, and scars that would be there her entire life. The next part she hated to remember, but it was so vivid. Her father straddling her tied down body, him forcing his way inside her, the bruising force against her body, her screams tearing through her mouth, everything about the first time her father ever raped her was fresh in her mind.
The following morning as she stared blankly at the ceiling was when she tried to figure out how she was still alive. And why. Her father had already left her there, hurt and raped. To die? Maybe. To remember her place? Yes. To feel guilt? You bet. For him to feel guilt? Never.
Without trying to remember where the blood came from, she had taken a shower and locked away all those memories. Now they were all flooding out and they came out in just little tidbits. If only she had a guardian, someone to be her prince, to be her protector. She couldn't do much as soon as she stood up and walked towards the water.
"I'm here!" She called out, speaking to God who she still believed in though she had yet to find out when he had ever helped her. She still felt alone, but somehow, she wanted someone to find her. Her voice was sweet and calming. Her white blonde hair was bright in the sunlight and clean, for some odd reason. Her cheeks were tinged pink from the sun and her curvy, willowy form was easy to see through the thin white tank she wore that clung to ever little curve to her body.
Many boys lusted after her, but she gave them no go ahead so none of them touched her. Not since her father had done that to her. But without another thought, she touched her neck. It was one of the few places she remembered her father never touching her. She knew it as the one pure place on her body.
Only when I trust someone with my life, will I ever let another touch me there. That was the promise she had made herself as she looked in the mirror a few months ago.
Laken sighed as she heard nothing but the silence that surrounded her so snuggly it almost felt like suffocation. She longed to move her body and walk about without anything or anyone to hurt her. It was new for the pain to be gone from her limbs as she slipped through the branches, her finger tips barely brushing the bark on the trees like they longed for her touch after so many years.
"Come on nature, I don't want to read a book or talk about the world. Come on nature, I just want to spend some time being girl to the boy. Come on nature, let me show the way that I've been feeling all along. Come on nature, just because I don't feel weak don't mean I feel so strong." Her voice was haunting melodic as she walked blindly through the trees like a girl who had no where else to be which was so true in her life. Darkness seemed to hold firmly to the girl, it's grasp snuggling into the crook of her neck and seeming to press her more into the shadows that the trees cast in a path.
Her heart just broke seeing the single animals play, the beauty of everything around her and knowing she could never be apart of it. With a absence of a tear rolling down her pale pink cheeks, she slumped against the rough trees.
"Come on nature, let me see my prince." She whispered, her voice just an echo of what could possibly be sorrow but that was impossible to show since she never cried anymore, she was too strong for that. "Prince? Where are you?" She called out, her voice clear and sharp as a double-sided blade made of black onyx.
