𝗢𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗯𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗻𝘁
Yoon Jaehyuk, filled with all the regrets that accompanied his despair, is over with rekindling hope. Now, it's Jihoon's turn to fight for the justification of the day before today, which has also lost its meanin...
Contain warning: Self-harm and suicidal thoughts, graphic content, physical discomfort, mental health issues, themes of isolation
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
[He's Yoon Jaehyuk] -4th regret, Park Jihoon-
Last December, snow began to fall, interspersing the footprints created by humans. The white flakes from the sky brought a cold laden with weariness. Every time I saw the snow fall, I wanted to be in the midst of it, releasing all warmth, as if the cold air was the right place for me.
Every December, my emotions are in turmoil. All I can think about is immersing myself in the Han River until my body freezes. However, that desire has only remained a sensation that I desperately try to suppress.
On the last day of December, my school organized a year-end event. Many tents were set up in the middle of the school field. Some played the guitar, some told stories, and others engaged in various games. Just waiting for the moments when the year would change.
I, Park Jihoon, usually don't like attending such events. However, that day, I intentionally went to school. Sitting behind the building, watching the half-moon, drowning out the noisy sounds on the field. But this method failed to drown out the thoughts in my mind that were trying to disappear from the world.
I've seen a psychiatrist several times. They say I have seasonal affective disorder, with its effects showing in winter. Every winter, I have thoughts of ending my own life. As the cold begins to pervade the earth, my whole body seems uncontrollable. I've almost died every turn of the year because of my own actions. Still being alive to this point is a miracle.
That day was no different; I started sweating cold. The feeling of suffocation fueled my desire to strangle myself. I thought coming to school today to prevent those thoughts from coming again would be in vain.
Until Jaehyuk accidentally passed by, dropping a plastic bag containing a canned drink. He ran towards me, shocked to see me struggling to breathe due to my own hands. He tried to release my hands and held them to prevent me from doing something foolish.
Yoon Jaehyuk, who came genuinely because he was worried about me.
"What's wrong?!" he scolded. "Why are you doing this?!"
I still having difficulty controlling my breath, couldn't provide an answer. Because I myself didn't know why I did it.
There was no one else there at that moment. Only Jaehyuk and me, with him still trying to calm me down, telling me to breathe slowly until I really recovered.
Seeing me with only a shirt on, Jaehyuk put his favorite navy jacket on me. He warmed his hands and then held mine. I could see from his eyes; such a sincere gaze-I saw it for the first time in my life. He genuinely cared, someone I had never been close to before.
