𝗢𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗯𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗻𝘁
Yoon Jaehyuk, filled with all the regrets that accompanied his despair, is over with rekindling hope. Now, it's Jihoon's turn to fight for the justification of the day before today, which has also lost its meanin...
Contain warning: Bullying and harassment, family Issues, depressive thoughts, self-harm, suicide.
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[Today, a beautiful day.] -5th Regret, Yoon Jaehyuk
Many say that humans are gifted with problems at birth. Just like happiness, the magnitude of small and large problems cannot be counted. There's no measure of who suffers the most and who is the most prosperous. Problems remain evenly distributed among all lives on this earth.
Every morning, as my eyes open and still gaze upon the world, I reassure myself. Reciting secret mantras in my heart; today will be fine, if not, it will still pass. Tomorrow will be fine too.
Nothing is too burdensome for me because I think I live quite well. Even without a father, my mother cooks delicious food every day. There's Kim Junkyu who will pick me up in front of the house with a wide smile. Then, I'll go to school and experience a day full of laughter.
In the survival process, humans are given two choices. Walk fast and reach the finish line first, or slow down to walk alongside many others.
And I choose the second option. I don't care about my rank in school; I don't care about fame. I just want to be useful to others. I hope I don't live for myself. Tomorrow is never promised to everyone. I always think that today could be my last day in the world. If so, I must be a useful person. Intelligence and such don't matter.
But I didn't know that happiness never lasts. Like a novel, where one part will surely have a conflict. Every character will feel suffering and strive for a solution. New chapters will emerge, changes in the emotions of the characters, and how they have to endure.
But, the world is not like a novel. In reality, conflicts in the story of human life are much more heartless.
The days after the New Year incident, I endured with pain. Every step felt like walking on shards and thorns. I went through the day with a heart full of cutting pains. The most painful part is that no one wanted to accompany me on the journey. No one was willing to be hurt with me. Even though I know this will pass, I'm sure the wounds won't heal until I die.
I really want to say that I'm okay, even though no one asks. And I feel like I'm really not okay.
Mom no longer smiles at me when preparing breakfast. Junkyu is no longer in front of the house with a broad smile. All my friends slowly distance themselves and treat me like dirt. Watering me with toilet water, putting trash in my locker, and cursing me with low words.
I remained silent for quite some time on the third floor. Sitting amidst concrete and air, contemplating whether I am still worth enduring. My fragile heart slowly retreats, recalling the chaos of yesterday, today, and perhaps tomorrow.
I hope tomorrow never comes.
The pain is only momentary. Accompanied by the darkness of the night, I put an end to all the exhaustion that haunts me.
