ˈSoliloquy

VI. The Man that I'll Marry

I know that you are the man I want to marry

I'm a very open person
Like a book without a lock
Full of sentences, phrases and words

It is rare for me to not know what to say sometimes

And this is 'one' of those times

Let me start this by saying that I never liked wearing jewelry on a daily basis, hence to wear it at all times
Maybe it's because I did not grow up doing it
Or maybe because my jewelry isn't worth that much
They easily tarnished and changed drastically from the first time I saw them

And so it puzzled me
How I hold the ring that you gave me so dearly
That when I take it off for a moment and forgets to wear it again
Noticing that I didn't have it in my fingers gives me sudden heart attacks
Like I can't breathe
Seems like something's pulling me to go back to every place that I've been

The need to even trace back every steps I've made
Run all the things I did in chronological order inside of my head just to see if I'm missing a spot
And I would not hesitate to call my mom just to ask the favor to help me look for it

And after all of that I think I do not need to tell you how I react once I find it
The moment it finally sits again in my finger I would do these three things:
Stare at it
Kiss it
And put it near my heart while whispering "Thank you Lord"

And I know someone might argue with me that I should've not lost it or forget it in the first place if it's really dear to me

But then it occurred to me, that 'thats life'

That our mind isn't a perfect database
We forgets
Some things might slipped into our mind and just flew with the wind

And that's okay

But the essential part is how do we feel once we realize it?

How do we react once we remember?

Because you might justify that your mind isn't perfect and that it forgets

But you can never justify a heart that doesn't give care and doesn't throb with love for something that's supposedly dear to us

And with all these things-

I know that you are the man I want to marry

The one I'll go home with

The one I'll share my whole life with

The one who'll I let inside of my vulnerability

The one to see all the cracks inside of me that I keep on mending all these years

The one I'll run to

The one whom I'll never get tired of seeing the beauty of living

The one I'll love for the rest of my life

The one who will be my polaris

The one who will always be my choice

Everyday

Every circumstances

I know that you are the man that I want to marry-

And now I hope and pray that you are also the one that God wants me to marry

Iska