Three weeks to live (a cancer story)

the decision

I sit back on the black chair once again. For some odd reason I keep sliding down.

I cross my legs,uncross them, then cross them again. I would be lieng if I said I was use to sitting in this medal chair with a hard cushion but I'm not. I sat here the first time the doctor told me that I had cancer, I sat here when he told me I had to have surgery on my chest, I sat here when he told me it worked,I sat here when he told me that it was a different kind of cancer, and now I'm sitting here to see if the eighth treatment that I have received from this hospital worked. Maybe this time it would be different, maybe the cancers gone and I'm ok for the first time since prom. Maybe God decided to let me live a long life instead of a short one

I smiled as I thought of all the things I could do once I was better.

The door to the doctors office opened and my smile quickly went away. I've seen that look on his face way to many times and I knew it wasn't good news

"Hello Lillian" he said not looking directly at me

I gulped ready for the bad news

"Hi"

He moved his rolling chair up to the wooden desk and folded his hands

"How are you"? He smiled making his hazel eyes shine brighter

"You should know that question your the doctor" I cracked a smile

He chuckled a little

"I suppose......How's your mom doing"

"Shes fine. finally back from Hawaii"

"Oh really. Is she happy with her new husband?"

I shrugged

"I guess so....."

"That's good tell her I said hello"

"I will"

For about four seconds we sat in silence. Me looking at the picture on his desk of his mother,him, and his sister. him looking anywhere else but at me

He cleared his throat again

"So the results came back positive for more cancer cells in your blood stream.at this point of time we can do another treatment or just stop it all together. As your doctor of course I highly recommend doing another treatment. The medicine will go through your blood stream and hopefully kill the cancer cells. Of course you will have to stay in the hospital for one or two weeks to just be safe around people"

"I really don't feel like Being here for that long isn't there another treatment that takes less time?"

"Sadly no scientists or doctors haven't come up with one yet"

I sighed and put my hands through my hair. I remember my hair being all the way down to the small of my back. It doesn't even touch my shoulders now. It's still it's light brown color though.

"You said I can stop the treatment all together?"

"You can yes but if you do stop the treatment then there isn't anything that can help you uh...you know um....-"

"Stay alive" I said helping him out with his word jumble

"Yea..."

I sat back once again in my chair and folded my hands

"How long will I have if I dont do the treatment?"

He sighed

"Judging by your health you might have two three-"

"Years?" I asked as he looked down at some documents

He shook his head then looked at me with a look I've never seen him do.....he looked scared like he would die if he told me how long.

"Months then?"

He shook his head and put down the files

"Two or three weeks" he said quietly but loud enough for me to here

"W-weeks" I mumbled out as the hot tears started to form in my eyes

I took a deep breath and then slowly let it out

"Alright" I mumbled out getting rid of the tears in my eyes

"Lilly think about what your doing here"

"I know what I'm doing Dr.trainer. I'm tired of fighting honestly and I don't want to die in this hospital unhappy"

The speaker in his office bleeped

"Doctor trainer your 1:00 is here" the lady at the front desk said.

"Thank you joy" he said to the speaker

I stood up and grabbed my purse

He stood up as well

"I'll give you some time to think about it. How about you come tomorrow and we can discuss it further.... Maybe at 11:00am"?

I shook my head

"No need I'll just say what I've said just a few minutes ago"

I went to walk away when he put his hands on my shoulders

"Just think further about it" he said in a almost pleading way

I looked up into his hazel eyes. Even with my heels on he's still taller than I am. His long brown hair was tucked behind his ears and he had light stumble on his face in a really hot way.

I gulped

"Fine.....I'll think about it"

He smiled a crooked smile

"Thank you. See you tomorrow at 11:00am"

I walked out from underneath his hands on my shoulders and headed torwards the door.

"Oh and Lilly"

I turned around to face him

"You look nice today" he said smiling

I looked Down at my black sweater dress with Brown boots that reach a few inches below my knee. I had on a long gold chain necklace and gold earings.

I looked up and smiled

"Thank you"

"Is it for anything special?" He asked sitting at the corner of his desk

"My brothers coming home for the first time since I was fourteen." I shrugged "wanted to look nice"

"Oh uh Calvin right?"

I nodded

"Yea."

"Tell him I said hey. We used to hang out from time to time"

"I will"

I smiled and waved to him then left his office

I realized that that's the first time I've left that office with a smile on my face.