three words (namgi)

1.0

Yoongi

~flashback~

I open my eyes.

The car tire is right next to my face

My shoulder is throbbing,

And his body is right next to me.

He's not breathing.

There's no pulse.

It hurts.

I'm doing chest compressions.

I can feel the bones break under my hands.

My hands hurt now too.

I put my lips over his and take breaths.

I can barely breathe now.

I can feel blood trickle down my face.

There's sirens in the back.

People are running near me, towards me, towards him.

I feel strong, cold, hands wrap around my body.

They try to pull me away.

Away from him.

I hear a loud voice, but it's calm too.

"You have to stop"

I hear it but don't understand it.

I can't think anymore.

Everything hurts.

He's not breathing.

There's no pulse.

They can't pull me away.

I won't let them.

I cling to his body.

"You have to let go"

"You're hurt"

"We need to help him"

It's all a blur.

As my eyes start to open, it feels real again.

"NO! YOU CANT TAKE HIM! HE'S NOT DEAD! HE'S NOT DEAD! HE'S NOT..."

And all I can feel is pain.

~end of flashback~

"Yoongi! Yoongi! Wake up! Are you okay?"

I jolt up, breathing heavily, and my body is shaking. I can barely hear Jin's voice, the world is blurry, my head hurts, I can't breathe... I'm about to lose it when I feel Jin's arms gently wrap around my body.

"Yoongi. Deep breaths. Count with me." As I breathe in and out, trying my best to calm down, I can finally see clearly and make out the figure of Jin, my best friend, who looks up at me with worry and concern in his eyes.

"You scared me, Yoon"

I want to tell him that I'm okay, but I just can't bring myself to do that. My breathing has slowed down a bit now, but talking would make everything worse. Jin is still holding me as I keep breathing, counting the same numbers over and over in my head. 7, 14, 21, 28, 35, 42, 49, 56, 63, 70, 77, 84. It takes a long time but I finally can speak, just a little bit, after running through the numbers again and again.

"Bad dream" I say, out of breath and struggling to get the words out. My body is still shaky. That's all I can say right now, but it's enough to send Jin panicking.

"I'm going to call someone now, and get the nurses to check on you, and.."

I almost forgot that I'm in the hospital.

"Are you okay, Yoon? Does your shoulder hurt? Is your eye okay?" I nod, then shake my head, and nod again, not wanting to say anymore. Jin is a great friend, but he worries about me way too much. I've been here for a week now, but it doesn't stop Jin from asking me every day if I'm feeling okay. He's still holding on to me, rubbing my back and squeezing my hand as he finds the phone to dial the nurse's desk. I tap on his hand gently, and Jin looks up at me again. I still don't feel up for talking, so I point to his watch to ask for the time.

"It's 4:27 in the morning" Jin says softly, before getting up to open the door for the nurse. The nurse comes in, practically running over to me, and asks if I'm okay, if anything hurts, the usual stuff I keep hearing every day. I want to tell her to stop asking, because it's obvious I'm not doing okay after what has happened. I've been in the hospital for a week now, and Jin has been here with me every day instead of spending the summer going to the beach, or sleeping in, or whatever else he does with his friends. He was too worried to leave me alone. As the nurse is changing out my IV and doing vitals, I point to my computer, asking Jin to get it for me. After having a breakdown as bad as this, all I want is to talk to the one person who gets it. RM. It takes a long time to type out my message to him, but I finally send it.

Agust D

can you talk right now? i need you

RM

im here for you

what happened?

Agust D

i had another nightmare

and i couldnt breathe

i was so scared

and i dont feel like myself

everything hurts

RM

i understand that

it's okay to be scared and anxious

i have days like this too

Agust D

my friend saw all of it

and he had to go get someone

because it was so bad

it's never been this bad before

RM

its over now though

and you made it through !

try to distract yourself

i have a new song idea that we could work on today

Agust D

send the files to me and i'll work on something

i need to distract myself

thank you

RM

anytime

:)

I slowly work on music for the next few hours, talking with RM, writing lyrics, making new tracks, and everything is peaceful for the next few hours until the doctor comes in to my room.

"Min Yoongi?"

I want to say something, but anxiety builds up in my throat and all I can do is nod.

"We need to talk"