LOVE LETTERS

1. Chapter one

Driiiing driiiing.

I slapped my hand on my alarm,closing it. Groaning,I slowly stood up on my bed, processing what had happened.
Fuck,today is Monday.The beatings from Friday still hurt a little bit ,I don't think I can stand any more.
God why does my life have to be so shitty?!

I checked the bruises on my body to see if the traces had of the beatings had left .No, they hadn't.

I walked to the bathroom,checking my reflection on the mirror.God I look so disgusting!why do I have to be so ugly?
And why are my dark circles darkening more and more even if I sleep?I closed my eyes not wanting to watch such an ugly mess, and started my shower,feeling warm water dripping on my stinging body.

I'dont want to go.Fuck Why do I have to go??I fucking hate school and shit has been even worse since I moved to America 2 years ago.
And oh,I miss her.
Fuck...Anne why did you leave me?you were my source of joy,the person I loved most in this world.Now.....now you were dead.

I felt tears building up on my eyes as I rinsed my hair.Like I didn't already fucking cry countless times since my little sister left.

Of course it wasn't only her.It was my parents desperately trying to help me get over my depression even if they were suffering too.God,I felt so bad.I think he guilt was slowly taking my life.
And....school.At school I was known as the quiet kid who was only known because of him being bullied by the popular guys in the school.
I will make a small introduction of them, just so you know some things

Alex,
The womaniser who is also known as the king of football(American kind).To me,he is the nicest ,which means he doesnt usually take part on the beating or verbal harassments.He just stands on the side waiting for his friends to stop and maybe laugh at their insults towards me.

Scot
,the criminal.He is always in some trouble ,and he even went to juvie once for beating up a policeman.Overall one of my main bullies,but never throws insults at me except the word "fag".
Oh yeah,I forgot to tell you,I'm kinda gay.
Some girl outed me to the school when she saw me drawing some shirtless guy,and that's when the bullying got worse(it had already started,but it wasn't something big,only some pushes and stuff).

Then ,we have Travis(god these names are so american.)
Also one of my main bullies,loves throwing punches on my stomach.He likes making me feel miserable.

Nick.
he is the school player and loves insulting me.Also loves pulling my hair and shoving me down.I don't have much to say about him,as I only know that he has dated for than half of the female school population,and my school is BIG as fuck .He is the worst one.

And last but DEFINITELY not least,Julian
Julian is the definition of perfect.His black shiny hair with dark blue eyes match perfectly with his white skin,and his dimples are the best thing in the world.His body muscles are veeery firm and, OH GOD his chest is so nice and pumped!

He also has good grades and a'perfect' family.

The only shocking thing about him is that he never lost his v card . It was known that he had done most things,but never went all the way.
Everyone in the school treats him and his friends like gods.Even the teachers and the principal, probably cause his mother is the main donator to the school.

I think you have already figured out that I like the guy a lot.When I first went to this school,he actually said hi to me and said my accent was nice.I fell hard for him then.I don't know why he suddenly changed to bullying me.
He is also my main bully, always throwing insults and beating me up,but surprisingly,his beating were the softest from all of my Bullies,and I knew he wasn't weak at all.I mean LOOK at those muscles.

All the stress from the bullying,my sisters death and overall the hate for myself,makes me cut myself.Every day,just a little bit.
Its like my way to forget everything bad happening in my life.
The pain just  relieves me.
I always cut myself on my upper arm,sometimes an my wrist ,and maybe on my thigh and stomach.

I finished my shower and put my clothes,slowly picking up my school bag,dreading of what would happen in school today.

I went down the stairs.

"Hi sweety,good morning!how do you feel?"

My mom said to me as soon as she saw me.I knew that under that sentence lied worry,her supposing that I felt depressed, which I did.

"Hey Mom,good morning to you too!yeah I feel fine"

"That's great honey,did you take your pills?"

she cautiously said to me.shit,I totally forgot about them.
By pills,she means my antidepressants, which I have to take every day.

"Oh, no mom I didn't,can you pass them to me?"

"Sure honey,here you go"

"Thanks a lot,say hi to dad for me!"

I said, addressing my dad who was currently still sleeping,because he was in court the other day,being a lawyer and all.

Swallowing the pills I went out of the house, walking to my car.My car is like one of my favourite things.Our family is quite well of,so we have a nice house,cars and stuff.

I started driving,thinking about all the fucking shit that's going to happen to me today.Ill probably get some bruises,and some insults , that'll make me fucking wanting to kill myself.

"Uh..... FUCK why is everything SO FUCKING shitty!!"I screamed,the last word turning into a voice crack ,indicating the tears on my eyes.

I parked my car and walked to the school gate.It takes some time to reach my locker, which is in the other side of my school.

Today is going to be another hell for me.

Opening my locker and grabbing my history books which I had for 1st periods I turned around to go to my class,only to get greeted by a slam on my locker,and the familiar voices.

"Hey fag.whatchya doing?"

I heard Nicks voice and snickers followed  by his other friends

Oh god

Why......why does it have to be me?why can't i fight back?
This so fucking unfair...

Y'all first chapter doneee.i finally started writing this shit.
Also for you info,I'm 🇬🇷🇯🇵🇬🇧.so ,yeah trilingual shit is hard.(not very good at Japanese)
Anyway,if y'all like angst gay shit ,I'm sure you'll enjoy this "book"!
Have funnnn!!