because i liked a boy • fred weasley

Chapter 16 - Monday, October 28th

I grab the last banana nut muffin and place it on my plate, deciding against the eggs and bacon today. It's still warm as I unwrap it, begging for me to eat it. I take a bite off of the top and look around as I chew.

Angelina's Gryffindor friends have been glaring at me, whispering to each other all morning. They didn't bother to go quiet when I walked past them in the hall. It almost seemed like they got louder, making sure I heard what they were saying about me.

"It was written all over his face," Katie Bell, the third musketeer of the group, spits as I walk past them.

They can't know that we made out right? I mean, nobody did anything wrong. The two of them weren't together, so it's not like I was the other woman.

When I walked into the Great Hall this morning, Talia wanted to go say hi to Nathan, I followed her over to the table and said hello to everyone. Fred didn't even glance in my direction. He just continued sitting their silently eating.

I walked away, trying to hide the embarrassment on my face. I'm not sure how he could go from trying to fuck me on the floor to not even saying hello. I chalked it up to regret, and tried to rid all thoughts of him from my mind.

Unfortunately, all I could think of was him, all Sunday. He didn't show up to the picnic yesterday which should have been my first sign of his regret.

I make an early departure to DADA once my muffin is gone. Avoiding crowded hallways is my first goal.

"Ellie!" A girl's voice stops me. Alicia Spinnet, what a shocker. Mission failed.

"If you wanna hang out with me, Alicia, we could do so outside of the halls."

"Don't be cute," Alicia sneers at me. I notice that she's completely alone. "You're a fucking slut. You moved in on Fred as soon as he was single."

"Alicia, could you do me a favor and tell Angelina to stop sending her attack dogs after me?" I smile sarcastically at her. "And they're broken up. I didn't do anything wrong."

"Is that what he told you? That they're over? That's rich," Alicia scoffs, her smirk never leaving her face.

"What are you on about?" My smile fades fast.

Alicia can see that her words have affected me. "Didn't you notice that he was with her all day yesterday? Well maybe you wouldn't have noticed. I mean they were locked in his room all day."

I stare at her as the words process. That would explain his absence from the picnic, and the regret swirling around his face.

"Next time?" Alicia steps in closer to me, "Throw yourself at someone who actually wants you. He clearly doesn't want to speak to you. I saw you go to him this morning. Being invisible must suck, huh?"

She turns on her heals and leaves me standing there dumbstruck. I look and see Luna staring at me from down the hall.

"Do you always have to ruin everything for me?" Luna stomps past me.

"Luna, c'mon, I didn't do anything," I plead, reaching out to grab her to stop her from walking away from me.

She moves her arm so I can't touch her, but spits back at me, "You just can't stop trying to make me miserable."

Losing all desire to learn anything else today, I skip DADA and go straight up to the Astronomy Tower, making sure that there's no class in here first obviously.

I opt against going to my normal window, just in case anyone comes up here, and go to the left, sitting below another window; this one being out of view of the door.

I take a cig out of the pack in my bag and use my wand to light it.

How fucking stupid could I be? I let my heart take over when Fred began kissing me. My brain decided to take a break. Did he use me as a rebound? Or just a distraction while he figured things out with Angelina. And what was all that bullshit about it being over for months?

I feel myself getting more worked up the more I think about how dumb I felt. I can't help but stare at the spot that Fred and I were in the other night. The nauseous feeling bubbles in my stomach as I take deep breaths in and out to control myself. My ankle begins itching, letting me know that it wants to take on the pain. I hesitate for a second recognizing that anyone could come up here at any moment, but I remember that I'll hear the footsteps up before anyone can see me. I pull my sock down to reveal the rest of my scars.

The glowing red ash gets smushed against the inside of my ankle, slowly growing grey as my flesh puts out the flame. The burn is so familiar, as is the airy feeling in my head as I feel the pain. I relight the end of my cig and repeat this process twice before I feel calm. My ankle is an angry shade of red.

"Ellie?" I hear that familiar voice say. "Are you up here?"

I curse to myself and pull my sock up, having to ignore the raw flesh being suffocated by the fabric. I don't stand up, I don't say anything.

Fred comes into view, looking around the room, finally spotting me in an unusual place. "What're you doing up here? Don't you have class?"

I hold my finished cigarette up, showing him why I'm up here. I don't bother answering the class question; he knows I do.

"You look flustered," Fred states. "I heard Alicia ambushed you in the hall."

I nod, staring him directly in the eyes.

"Have you gone mute?" Fred jokes.

I stand up, but don't move any closer to him. "I don't know, Fred. I just assumed we weren't speaking, seeing as how hard it is to say hello. Or even look at me!"

"What're you talking about?" Fred face scrunches up. "I'm talking to you now, aren't I?"

"Don't fucking play that game with me, Fred," I plead, knowing I look weak now. "You acted like you didn't even know me today!"

Fred stands still, but doesn't offer any rebuttal. He doesn't deny that he ignored me.

"And you neglected to tell me that you and Angelina were talking about getting back together. How could you kiss me when you know you still wanted to be with her?"

"Woah, what?" Fred comes closer to me. "Wait-"

"I can't keep getting called a slut every time I'm walking to class," I look away from him, "I can't have my sister being embarrassed to be related to me. She doesn't talk to me as it is."

"Ellie, stop," Fred walks over to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry that they're being dicks, I'll work on that, but I am not, and will not be getting back with Angelina. I told you that was over, and I mean it."

"Alicia told me Angelina and you spent all day in your room together," I whisper.

"She wouldn't leave!" Fred groaned. "She just kept telling me I was making a mistake, and then proceeded to tell me about all of the guys begging to be with her."

I stay quiet as I think. At least that's been cleared up. "You still ignored me. You can't just kiss me and then never speak to me. I will not, and I hope you're hearing me on this, will not be your hookup buddy. If that's what you're looking for from me, find someone else."

Fred nods in understanding.

"I don't know why I didn't say hello to you," he admits.

Still unclear where we stand, if I'll ever kiss him again or not, I leave to go back to my room. Fred's confusing me so badly, I don't know what I want anymore. Is liking him- is kissing him worth how I'm getting treated?

I'm not sure yet.