Welcome To New York (Steve Rogers AU) 18+

14

Now

There's nothing more awkward than standing in front of a guy you screwed years before, and feeling like you haven't achieved anything more with your life in comparison to his.

Steve Rogers is no longer the college cutie I knew. He's now changed into a smartly dressed and handsome businessman. A man whose name everybody knows. 

I may not have seen him for years, tried to avoid everything about him in newspaper articles. But I know everything that has happened with him and his life through working amongst the people he frequents with. They all are within the same circle. I know for a fact that he and Tony are friends as well, which is why I hope this isn't some sick set up given that my employer is fully aware of what went on.

Right now though? Steve is just looking at me, almost like he's seeing a ghost. Where he's been able to be free from seeing or hearing about me, it's quite the opposite for me.

"Lucie..."

He never once has called me by my proper name - it's always been Lulu or Copper. Mainly the latter. I guess this just shows how much has changed.

"I'm sorry about Morgan. She's a little excited, anyway I have to go, got a lot of things to do..." I go to leave but he stops me.

"Don't...please..."

I turn back. It hurts to look at him. 

"What else do you want me to say? There's nothing".

"There's a hell of a lot and you know it". He replies.

I shrug. "What's done is done, but I really do have to go. Morgan needs to have some lunch soon, and I have a few more errands to run".

It hurts every second that goes by. I just need to get out of here. 

"Lucie...please, I can't just let you walk out of my life again". 

"I did it because I had to!" I snap

Steve casts his gaze to the floor and shakes his head. "We can't talk about this, not here. Can we at least meet up again so I can explain, and then you can decide for yourself whether you want to see me again or not". 

"Would your wife approve?" I throw him a look, "Because if I know her, then she'd be..." 

"We're divorced...it's not public knowledge, at least not yet...it's only been finalised within the last month or so". He cuts me off. 

I swallow. "Right..."

Taking me to one side so as we're not drawing more attention to ourselves than we already have, he takes a business card out of his pocket. "My number is on there, I know this is a shitty way to do it, but if you do decide to hear me out then you know where to find me". Now passing it to me. "I should've fought for you, and I didn't. Instead I messed it all up and I've not stopped regretting that". 

I put the card into my pocket. "You shouldn't regret me anyway. After all, I was only the nanny". I shrug and then turn away. "Come on Morgan, we really need to go". 

Practically dragging her out of the store, we get into the car and I close my eyes, trying to fight back the tears. He's hurt that I left, that much is clear, but what else did he expect after he just finished things between us over a damn phone call? Was I only really worth that to him? He chose the company, that was always going to be his choice. It was only when I knew that I was going to be fired that I left with some some dignity still in tact. I have Mrs Kemp to thank for that. 

That was just the tip of the ice burg though. Steve and I were worlds apart, and I only began to see it once he started working fully with his father. I could never change him, and I didn't want to. He had been slowly managing to do that himself. 

"Lucie? You ok?" Happy looks at me through the rear view with some concern. 

"Yeah..." I lie, "I'm fine, just a migraine coming on". 

He simply nods and says he'll get us back home as quick as he can, but I barely hear him amongst all the noise that's going on in my head. 

I was only the nanny. But Steve Rogers was so much more to me...