Heart of Nowhere

Harshaw sat beside Zoya in the dark cave, testing the waters. He didn't actually know if she liked him in any way. Oncat made his way from Harshaw's shoulder to his lap, curling onto it. Harshaw stroked the back of his ears. The cat purred. Harshaw stared at Zoya, and the Squaller regarded him coolly. "If you've come here to flirt, please know that it won't work." She scoffed. "The cat has better chances than the rooster."

Harshaw blinked. He laughed quietly when he realized that she was talking about his haircut. "I haven't."

Zoya's brow twitched. "Haven't what?"

"Come here to flirt." They'd put up a fire, and though it radiated warmth, it was nearly not enough to warm them up in the cold, damp cave. Harshaw was warm, thanks to his being an Inferni, but Zoya was trying her best to hide her shivering as she rubbed her hands together. "Quite the opposite, actually."

Zoya quirked a brow at him. "Well, good." It was clear that she wanted to seem like she didn't care, but she kept stealing glances at Harshaw. Eventually, her curiosity got the best of her. "What then?" she enquired.

Harshaw conjured a flame from his palm, staring at the bright gleam mirrored in Oncat's eyes. "I'm not actually... interested in you."

Zoya's eyebrows shot up. "That is certainly not what I expected," she admitted, turning her head to him. She frowned. "Why flirt with me, then?"

Harshaw shrugged. "I've been bored," he said simply. "And, don't get me wrong, your reactions are priceless." Zoya tilted her chin upwards. Her pride had been wounded, but Harshaw wanted to tell her the truth. "I just..." he began. "I don't feel anything for girls."

Realization dawned upon Zoya. "Oh." She inhaled. "Well, please know that that is fine–"

"No," interrupted Harshaw. "It's not like that either. Boys don't make me feel anything." He swallowed. He had no idea where he was going with this. Oncat butted his head against Harshaw's hand.

Zoya pondered this. "Well, you have to like someone. Surely–"

"That's the thing," said Harshaw, interrupting her again. Zoya's face looked sour. "I don't."

Zoya raked her teeth over her bottom lip. "Have you ever been intimate with someone? Or... Or in a relationship?"

Harshaw shook his head. "No." Oncat meowed, ordering Harshaw to keep petting him. He placed his hands on Oncat's head, feeling the soft fur.

"How can you know if you've never been with anyone?" Zoya questioned, looking straight at Harshaw now.

Harshaw shrugged. "I don't feel the pull," he said truthfully. "I've never looked at someone and thought to myself that I would like to be with them. Not in bed or otherwise." He frowned. "It's kind of like... Well, I'm willing to bet that you've never eaten rotten meat, and I don't see you wanting to do that."

Zoya scrunched her nose. "Did you really just compare people to rotten meat?" She scowled. "You couldn't have picked a better metaphor?"

Harshaw winced. "First one that came to mind." He summoned fire, lighting up the dark cave. As he stared into Zoya's eyes, he knew that he should feel something. Everyone else did. She was supposed to be the definition of beautiful, but Harshaw didn't feel attracted to her. In any way. "But I'm taking it you haven't had the urge to taste rotten meat?" He grinned, and he must've looked like a madman, with his hair and scars and fire.

"Remind me to never talk to you again," Zoya grumbled, then cleared her throat. "No. I have not."

"So you get what I'm talking about?"

She frowned. "Vaguely."

Harshaw nodded. He was grateful that she wasn't pushing him any further. Zoya breathed into her palms in an attempt to warm up. "You're cold, aren't you?" Harshaw asked, but it was an unnecessary question. Of course she was. Zoya glared at him. "I can help," he offered.

Zoya contemplated this, then huffed. "Fine," she scoffed. Harshaw slid closer to her, then took her hands in his own. "Saints," Zoya whispered. "You're warm."

"I'm an Inferni," Harshaw stated with a smirk, but that smirk went as quickly as it had come. "I know this is an odd question to ask, but... Could I... Could I get a hug?" It was so weird to be asking someone for a hug, but he desperately needed one right now.

Zoya studied his face, then sighed. "Fine," she said, "but not a word to the others." Harshaw smiled, then wrapped his arms around the Squaller. She did the same, and as they stayed there, Harshaw felt her warming up in temperature and, just maybe, to him. "Thank you for sharing this with me," Zoya said as she pulled away.

"Thank you for listening." Harshaw smiled at her, and she smiled back. Oncat had made his way to Zoya's lap, and her lips curled at the sight of the feline.

She groaned. "Get that thing away from me." With a laugh, Harshaw scooped Oncat into his arms.

When they went to sleep, Harshaw thought about how little he'd get to sleep. But he also thought about the fact that he'd just confided in someone about his feelings. And maybe acquired a friend in the process.