Heads or Tails

Chapter 9

Three margaritas later, and this night has become an entirely familiar scene. I am slightly nostalgic as Eric doles out tequila shots and Jessica sings along with the band performing on stage. The air is warm, and the moon is full and bright. Michelle and Stephanie dance together on the dance floor. Matthew, Eric, Michael and Ben discuss baseball trades on my right. The bar is packed wall to wall with vacationers ordering drinks, socializing and enjoying live entertainment. This is a typical night in Chicago with my friends, minus the tropical heat.

But when I feel an overwhelming sensation of normalcy, I am also slapped with a dose of reality: I've had sex with Ben.

Not once, but twice. And I liked it.

I waved down the bartender and ordered another margarita.

Beside me, Jessica bounces a little, then reaches for my hand and squeezes it. "How's your Maid-of-Honor speech coming along?"

"Seriously? Do you have to micromanage everything?" I ask, laughing.

She is obsessed with knowing every little detail about my speech. I have yet to dare tell her it hasn't been written down on paper yet.

"Yes," she admits, sipping on a drink. "I can't help myself. You know what I'm like. I plan, I organize, and I make lists. I still have no idea how you function so freely. I hope you're prepared and write a good speech. Everything needs to be perfect. And you'll want to make a good impression on Steven..."

Hearing her say Steven's name out loud makes my stomach twist. I've seen this look on Jessica's face before – wide-eyed, hoping for a perfect match – at virtually every guy she's tried to set me up with over the years. I hate to think of when those didn't work out. She wasn't pleased with my lack of effort in those relationships. But the stakes are higher, with this one being her cousin – a blood relative. She's expecting a successful match. I can feel the pressure of her wanting things to work between Steven and me radiating from her smile.

She is still talking, and I lean in to catch the rest of what she says. "... he's totally into you. Can you imagine if you two ended up together? We'd be related. Oh, Megan, it would be perfect. I've never seen him so smitten. I can barely contain my excitement about you two." She grabs onto my hand, clarifying. "Even my mom thinks you two will end up together. He could be the one."

I know Jessica is excited about the possibility of Steven and me. Still, I can feel myself wincing internally, wishing I had been honest with her about what happened between Ben and me from the start.

As she continues to ramble on, I try my hardest to pay attention to what she's saying, but I become distracted when I catch Ben smiling at me from the corner of my eye. I gaze into his warm, dark eyes and tune out Jessica's continual chatter. I admire his sharp jawline and fantasize about feeling his five o'clock shadow between my legs. The thought causes my heart to beat frantically against my rib cage. And when he absentmindedly runs his tongue across his bottom lip, I have to physically restrain myself from reaching across the table to rip off his shirt.

I can keep things casual. I tell myself. I will not develop feelings for Ben.

I drank the rest of my margarita faster than expected and waved down the bartender for another. My cheeks went rosy, and my smile lingered in Ben's direction. I could see happiness in his eyes, lighting him up.

I can keep us a secret, I think, wishing he and I were alone back at my apartment in Chicago, binge-watching a television series and eating popcorn. I make a mental note to ensure we do this as soon as we return to American soil.

I look around the bar and realize how many people have left. The entertainment is no longer on stage, and the tables are empty. Stephanie and Michelle are no longer dancing; they sit beside Jessica. I can feel Ben still watching me, though, and I feel hyperconscious around him. Is Ben checking me out?