Career Driven Woman

Chapter 55

The past couple of days had been a whirlwind. Between trying to relax, trying to organise work and where to go and trying to find a place to live, it was safe to say that I was exhausted every day of this week.

It was currently Friday and I had promised Lewis that I would look after his dog whilst he was away this weekend. Honestly it was the least I could do considering Lewis was letting me live in house place rent free whilst I got back on my feet. Not exactly rent free because I insisted that Lewis let me pay to stay.

I was curled up in bed scrolling through the real estate listings in London trying desperately to search for an apartment that wasn't ridiculously out of my price range but I wasn't having the best of luck. I sighed placing my phone down on the bed staring at the ceiling before looking over at Roscoe "I'm never going to find anything" I said staring at him.

He stared back at me with a sad face.

"Maybe you're right" I said turning so I could face him better "maybe I just need to accept that there definitely are apartments I my price range and need to suck up the fact they're not going to be perfect" I said staring at Roscoe "you're very good at giving advice" I said before grabbing my phone and scrolling again.

I was being less strict now with the apartment listings that I was saving. I knew I couldn't really afford to be picky right now but at the same time I also didn't wanting to be moving into an absolute shit hole.

I looked at the time on my phone realising I had been laying in bed for most of the morning and it was now 12pm. I decided to get up and take Roscoe for a walk. I would then come home and shower before heading out again to go and get groceries. As I got ready to go for my hot girl walk I opened up my suitcase and rummaged through trying to find my tights. As I flipped through my clothes something fell out onto the ground.

It was the ultrasound photos. I always carry them with me. To remind me of what once was. I know it's terrible and I shouldn't do it but there's just a part of me that hasn't been able to let go. I think about our baby everyday. I always think of how close I was to being a mother. I found myself sobbing on the floor feeling judged by Roscoe as he sat on the bed staring at me.

I looked over at him through my tears filled eyes and he pushed himself off the bed and sat next to me, his head resting on my leg. I smiled and rested my hand on his head using the other to hold the photos. As I let myself be sad my phone suddenly started to ring. It was Carlos.

I tried my best to stop the crying and eventually ended up just holding my breath while answering the phone.

"Hola princesa" Carlos said cheerfully down the phone.

"Hola Cariño" you said trying your best to hold it together.

The line went silent.

"Are you okay?" Carlos asked concerned.

I burst into tears sobbing on the end of the line.

"Princesa what is wrong?" He asked woefully.

I didn't answer.

"Princesa" he asked.

I didn't answer.

"Princesa please" he said insistently.

"I found my ultrasound photo's" I said quietly.

"Oh princesa" he said and I could heard the sadness evident in his voice.

"I know I know I was doing so well and I forgot they were in there and then they just fell out and now I'm here" I said tearing up again.

"Princesa" he said "It's going to be okay. I'll be home soon. It's really hard for me not to be there with you whilst you're feeling like this" he said and I could picture his face all sad and sullen.

I sniffled "I'm sorry".

Why were you apologising to him. Oh god.

"Don't apologise" he said sternly.

Could he read my mind?

"Maybe you should try talking to someone about it?"

"Like a support group?"

"Uh sure?"

"Maybe" I said before wiping the tears from my face.

I talked to Carlos for a little longer before hanging up. I sat on the floor for a little while longer before deciding I needed to get up and do something. I was going to go for my walk, come back, get groceries, then look at properties. And maybe also a support group. Maybe.

I wasn't good at talking to new people. I was all for advocating about speaking verbally about your problems and especially talking to other people about them because maybe they're in the same boat as you but they're too scared to say something so if you open up then maybe they will too. But the thought of having to talk to new people scared me more than I cared for. I know I needed to get over it but I still just couldn't shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach about it.

I tried to shake the thought and got dressed. I cleaned up my face before grabbing Roscoe's harness and lead. I got him ready, taking my keys and my phone and setting out around the local neighbourhood. I had my headphones on, minding my own business as usual watching Roscoe's little feet pitter patter along the pathway.

It was so different out here in London. The streets were nicer, the houses were nicer, everything looked cute and out of a story book. Like scenes from my favourite British tv shows. It was all in front of me. There were cafes available and little stores everywhere. This was much different than back home.

_ _ _

I was slinking down lower and lower, deeper and deeper into the couch to the point my laptop was now resting on my chest. I had been scrolling through the rental listings for so long my eyes had glazed over and I wasn't quite sure what I was even really looking at anymore.

I sighed before shutting the laptop and threw it to the side of the couch. I stared at the TV which had now been stuck on 'do you want to keep watching' and quickly exited out of Netflix and flicked on free to air. There wasn't much on and eventually I ended up settling on some random English tv show.

I made myself dinner and quickly scoffed it, starving because I had barely eaten all day. To be honest after my hot girl walk I had become slightly more stressed than I had been. I needed to look for a place to live, I was starting work next week in a new environment, I needed to enrol in my courses so I could get my practicing certificate to practice in the UK and as if all of that wasn't enough, Christmas was approaching quickly and I certainly did not have the energy, time or space to host my family when they would be visiting.

I need to get my ass in to gear asap.