Hey guys. I decided to make a new fanfic LIKE I ALWAYS DO. I don't know how good it'll be so we'll see. Anyways, I'm basing this off of Photograph by Ed Sheeran so we'll see how that goes.
__________________
- Elizabeth -
I haven't been able to get my mind set straight. I keep having these thoughts. They're not good thoughts, either. I don't know what my mind has become. I can't cope. It's all too hard.
Ever since my dad died, I haven't been the same. Everything about me changed. I felt like I lost a huge part of me, and I felt so bad about his death. I felt like I could've done something to stop him. Yes, he committed suicide.
When my mom heard about the news, we were at a store going shopping for outfits for her wedding (my parents are divorced and my dad had remarried a while back and my mom was remarrying this year). It was mid-July. My brother and sister had called her freaking out and she was trying to calm them.
I remember asking her
What are they saying? What's happening?
And her replying
Nothing. Your dad's just a bit sick.
And of course you can pretty much bet I thought of the worst possibility; that he died. That was all my mother told me until we got to my grandma's. She told me to get out of the car with her and by now, my heart was beating so fast and my palms were sweaty. I remember we were standing on the front lawn of my grandma's house. She looked at me and started crying.
So, your grandma Susan found your dad. He committed suicide this morning at her house. I'm so sorry.
She said as she had tears rolling down her face.
By now my vision went blurred and my body just went numb. I could not breathe and I was so hysterical. My mother grabbed me and wrapped me in the tightest hug she could've possibly ever given me.
Your brother and sisters are heading over to your grandma Susan's. I don't want you going over there. There's too much going on and they haven't taken his body away yet.
She had pulled away from me to look at me.
I.. I.. I.. I don't c.. c.. c.. care. I w.. w.. w.. want t.. t.. to see m.. m.. m.. my dad one l.. l.. l.. last time.
I tried to get out as many words as I could, but I was still crying so it was hard to get words out properly.
This isn't how you should remember your father. I don't want you to see his body because I don't know how he did it so I don't know how bad it is. If you really want to go then I'll have your sister pick you up and take you with her.
After this conversation had happened, my sister called my mother to inform her on what was now happening. We made plans for my other sister to come pick me up so I can ride with her over to my grandma's where all of this was happening.
I remember everything. I remember seeing my daddy lying there, lifeless. I remember seeing how peaceful he looked, since he did not have to fight off the demons he was fighting his whole life. I remember doing the prayer around him. I remember comforting other family members. I remember people would drive by and stare. I remember everything from that day.
Ever since that day, last year, I've had a mild depression. It was nothing like what my dad had. I can still be happy, I can still smile, I can still laugh, I can still open up to people, I can still cooperate properly with everything. The thing is, with this depression, it does not show. I can feel it though. It eats me alive. Whenever I'm all alone I think of ways I can be with my dad (suicide as well). I would not ever do it but I have it all planned out for if I were to. I know exactly what I'd do. Some days the depression hits me and I'll bawl my eyes out and shut everyone out for a while.
I told you, I haven't been able to keep my mind straight. These thoughts are controlling me now. I don't know what to do anymore.
________
SOOOO. I know this is dramatic and depressing but this did happen to someone I know. All of this scene is for rizzles. Anywho, I know it doesn't seem like it is based off of Photograph but it's only the beginning of the book. It'll get better, I hope.
