It's 2am and she is lying on her bed in a dark room. Everyone is asleep or at least that's what it looks like but her secrets don't let her sleep. Well, she is weird and she is crying not because something bad happened but just because she wants to. And that's the most irritating thing, when your heart is so heavy and you really want to cry but you can't find a reason because you're just so damn happy, everything is going so well. Whenever she's this much happy, she unconsciously thinks about death, about leaving, about departure. She once read, "They only let you be this happy if they're preparing to take something from you." and she believed it. She read that people do weird things before they die and she did a weird thing today or at least that was weird for her. She always wanted to travel alone but she was afraid because she could not communicate easily, it was one of the most difficult things for her to do. But today, she traveled all day, all alone and talked to people the stupid things without thinking what they might think of her and came back home safely. And now in her bed under the covers, she thinks she is going to die. She often thinks like this, whenever she does something like that but she hasn't died yet. The thought of departing away makes her cry because she doesn't want to die at this point because she misbehaved with her mom yesterday and she has to tell her that she's sorry and she didn't mean it that way but for her it's not that simple. She can't express whatever she feels, she has to show it through her actions and that takes time. She is dying not to die at this stage. She has so many secrets that she wants to tell to someone but of course that's not an easy task for her so she decides to write her secrets in her diary.
"I always hated being a child. I had no friends, I would sit all day in my home and see my mom doing house chores and sometimes I would see my parents fight. Well, the fights were not very regular and my parents would come out of the situation in a matter of minutes or hours and would start talking to each other again. That sounds quite normal but for me, it wasn't and still it isn't. I'm weird, I know. I'm 27 years old and I still cry whenever I see them fighting. In my childhood, I would cry for days over one fight. This is my biggest secret that my parents sometimes fight and I cry over that. Well, I have another secret, I am afraid of boys. Yet another that I was scared of people, I still am. Before I die, I want to tell my family that I live them."
And then on another page, she write her e-mail address, Facebook id, Twitter id with their passwords because there are so many secrets, she wrote there, never posted and saved in drafts.
She doesn't have the secrets related to boys or relationship or something like that but the simple-daily-home things. She had liked so may people but that's not something she keeps as her secrets, her friends know everything about that.
It's 3:15am and she's tired of being happy and sad at the same time. She wants to sleep so she lies down and think about everyone she loves, thinking that's it's last time. She can feel the death. She keeps on thinking like that for a long time and finally falls asleep.
It's 9:25am, she wakes up realizing she is getting late from university. She goes to university, attends all classes, performs well, comes back to hostel and tears the diary she had written last night. She has skipped the death one more time and by now she has done so many weird things and she has torn so many pages that it has become her daily routine. She continues to live.
#JustWriteIt #Fanfic
