Don't let go by @sarahshapiro719

Dont let go

The day I deleted my YouTube account was the worst day of my life. I moved out of the youtube community in Los Angeles, saying goodbye to everyone that I knew, and to all my friends. Mamrie was probably the hardest one to let go of. Mamrie and, well her were my BESTFRIENDs. From when we first met, when they suprised me at the bowling alley, when we went out to eat dinner as the holy trinity. The good die young, the quote says, but I never thought it was going to be that way. I shouldn't have let her leave my house that one night.

"Hannah, are you okay?" Grace, dressed in my camp Takota shirt and bandana looked super sexy. but I didn't even notice it.

I said "why is life so bad?" Grace looked at me, first with a bit of hurt in her eyes, but she quickly readjusted her face so I wouldn't see her sad, and I didn't even notice.

"Well you have this amazing youtube career, you have Mamrie and I,"she started, but I cut her off.
"Do I have you?" I said, questioning her.

"Well yeah, stupid. I'm your girlfriend. this isn't like a moment from the vow, right?" Of course she tried to lighten the mood, but I just scowled.

"Seems like you and Joey graceffa were pretty close to eachother yesterday."

"....It was nothing," she tried to explain, but I cut her off.

"Nothing. sure. " I said with a sarcastic tone. I had been drinking, to the point where I don't even remember my own personality.

"Hannah, let it go. it was nothing. I love you," she said, reaching to touch my hand, which I pulled away from her before she could.

"Hannah, it was nothing, I swear, "
she said, trying to make me understand, but I was stupid enough to have one drink too many.

"For Joey," I had said, before taking a ridiculous amount into my system.

"I can't believe you would do something like this to me," I said, putting my glass down.

"Hannah, babe, I would never do a thing like that to you," Grace said, cupping a hand on my face.

"Just give me some space for a bit, Grace." I moved her hand from my face. This was the last thing I remembered her doing. With tears streaming down her face, she ran to her car.

I did nothing to stop her. Nothing. My biggest regret was not running to her, hugging her, and telling her how sorry I was. How much I loved her. But no, I just watched her get into the car from the window, and as her car disappeared down the winding street.

After that it was all a blur.

NIGHTLY NEWS REPORTS: Youtube sensation Itsgrace dies from car accident

"She knew you loved her so much Hannah. That's all that matters."

I blocked it all out. I attempted to join Grace, But Mamrie saved me from that. Now, Mamrie is no longer there to save me. I am on my own, in a small shack in Texas.

It's time, I say to myself, as I make my way to the closet. There, in a box in the corner, is all my filming equipment from when I had my YouTube channel, MyHarto.

I make a new account, calling it HannahHarto. I winced as I checked the box labeled "Terms and Conditions", and almost cried before hitting the accept button. My computer screen lights up with the videos. Mamrie is the 8th most subscribed to person. I knew YDAD would be a hit. I turn on my camera, and start recording.

Hello everybody. I am Hannah Hart, formerly MyHarto. I made a series called My Drunk Kitchen, where I would get drunk in a kitchen. I deleted that channel two years ago, after my girlfriend Grace Helbig, formerly ItsGrace, was killed on impact in a car accident. I decided that I should make at least one more Youtube video. I owe it to my former subscribers. I dedicate this song to my Grace, and I hope you all will take this message with you. The good die young.

With that, I pulled out my guitar from its case. I had learned this song by heart. I retune the guitar, and strum the familiar song. It was one of her favorite songs, and it reminded me so much of her. After a bit of guitar, I started to sing.

"Only need the light when it's burning low,"

"Only miss the sun when it starts to snow,"

"Only know you love her when you let her go."

I pause for a second, and then start crying.

"I'm sorry to Mamrie for having to put up with my depression. I apologize to all my Hartosexuals out there, for just deleting my channel. It only made me think of Grace, when she used to try and post her videos on my channel," I say, drying my tears, and starting to laugh a bit.

"Grace was, special. She was a very unique and the most amazing person I have ever met. She was perfect. She made up my other half. After she died, I just buried myself in my own depression for a while, and it made me unhealthy emotionally."

I let the last tears roll down my face, and then say " I couldn't finish the song, because it would be closure to Graces death, and Grace is a part of me that I never want to close on. I want to keep her in my memory."

I dry my face with a roll of paper towels, and laugh. "I was prepared for this," I say, smiling for the first time in a while.

"I was prepared to cry. I have been crying for quite a bit, actually." I need to change the subject.

"By the way, congrats to Mamrie for being the eighth most subscribed Youtuber. I am so proud of you. I knew you had it," I said, setting the guitar back in the case." I decided today to do three things,

Number one: Get a haircut, because I do not rock the ponytail thing, " I say, showing off my long hair. " Yeah, this has to get off my head.

"Number two: Sing a full song, which I failed miserably," I say softly, before laughing again.

".....And finally, number three: To become a full-on Youtuber again. "I take a big breath and say, " I think it's best that I get back onto Youtube. Because I haven't laughed since the accident, yet I've laughed about five times since I got on camera. Want to know why? Because of you, the viewers. You make me happy. Your comments inspire me to do better, but mostly make me laugh. So, want this to happen again? Will you let Harto back into your souls? Harto is real sorry about leaving you guys. I am, really. I promise that I will never leave you all again. I will never leave you alone, and I will always be here for you. Also, I'm thinking of moving back to Los Angeles, and was wondering if any ️youtubers would have me as their roommate till I get a house? If not, its all good."

I smile and take a breath. "As for Grace, you all asked how it feels to have had her leave me forever, but you've got it all wrong. Grace is still with me. She's always with me. She's in my puns, in Mamries drinks, in Tyler's quiff, and most importantly, here. She never left me, shes always going to be here. Bye guys!"

I turn off the camera, and feel a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see who's hand it is, and I see her. "I love you," she says, smiling at me.

I look back up, but she's no longer there. Yet she is. She'll always be in my heart. I touch my shoulder, and I smile up where Grace is. "I love you too."

--------------------------------------------------------------Authors Page--------------
Name: Sarah Shapiro
Country: Usa
Instagram: Sarah.shapiro718
Twitter: surrealoakley
Snapchat: Sportysarah123
Email: Sarahshapiro718@yahoo.com