The fear in his eyes haven't left his side since the day I told him. I'm just frantically waiting for him to say something.... Anything. I don't know what he is thinking, he blocks me out every time I ask. Slowly I'm beginning to think he doesn't want me anymore. This has been changed not just my relationship but my life.
Two days have past and still not a word. Suppose he doesn't want to talk, I can't physically make him can I? Oh wait.... "Emily?" He quietly asks. "YES" I quickly reply. I thought he was going to say how I have been handling this. But he didn't. Instead he whispers "I love you"
I look at him with delight.....the first word he said to me was 'I love you'. "I love you too Hugo" ....... "I'm sorry".
He glances with smile, which turns into frustration. "It's not your fault Emily, you can't help it" he replies.
Strangely, he strides towards me.... My heart sinks into pure shame. I look at him straight in his unread eyes whilst I thought to myself.... He still loves me after all of this. A smile appears from his pale face, that's when I knew I actually loved him.
Then he proudly sat down next to me. As he grabbed the remote i sneakily took off my scruffy shoes and finally relaxed.
Straight away i could tell he was still uncomfortable with the idea of me........! Nervously i waited for a responce off him but nothing came into conversation. It didnt seem right knowing what i know and trying to deal with it on my own...... Lets hope i dont have to anymore.
As i turn my confused head towards him, i noticed his eyes slowly closing. I stared at him for a moment, and realised he shouldnt have to put up with this anymore. I should leave him, for good. Tears stream down my broken face, which turned to a stream rushing down my face. "sorry Hugo".
Just as i'm about to walk out the door, i turned for the last time and smiled knowing i had that.
As I shut the door behind me and left life, I strolled down the dark lonely path when I heard a scream. It was Hugo running after me. I felt relieved but I knew it wasn't right. I kept on walking, picking up my speed. Just as I began to cross the road I felt a hand run down my spine. "Why did you leave?" Cried a handsome voice behind me. I began to speak but nothing came out.
He turned me around and stared at me directly in my eyes. I tried my hardest not to look back but I couldn't resist looking in to his precious eyes once more. We both glanced into one another's eyes for a moment or two. Nothing happened until he slowly pinched my hand and pressed it against his. After several minutes I finally replied "I had to". He instantly replied "you didn't Emily, you didn't". " Hugo I had no choice". He rapidly said "you always have a choice". There was a pause..... I didn't know what to say. "Hugo you do realise how serious this is". Quietly he said " of course I do, that's why I'm here. I'm not loosing you Em". I looked up, trying to stop my self from crying; it didn't work. I couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears came flooding out and I collapsed into his arms. He lifted my face portrait so we had direct contact with each other. For the first time I felt like he wanted me. For a moment I didn't want to look him in the eyes, instead I decided to glance at his mouth. I'm not sure why. But it worked because he done the same. "Kiss me" he whispered. I knew what he meant but i still said "what?". Before he had the chance to answer I kissed him. He pulled away, my heart dropped, he stared at me and smiled. He then kissed me once more.
Finally.
We lay on his sofa watching film after film. I felt like I was in a world of my own, I didn't know exactly what to do. But I did know I was lucky to have someone as handsome, smart and understanding as him. He kept smiling randomly, I thought it might of been because of the film we were watching. How could of it been the film if it was sad? After the tenth time he repeated the smile I curiously asked him "what do you keep smiling at?". He replied " nothing". He knew I didn't believe him so, after a couple of minutes I asked him the same question " what you do keep smiling at?" But he replied with the same comment "nothing". Before I could begin to say why he interrupted "you". I didn't understand at first what he meant, but then I realised he was smiling because of me. I asked "why". He just smiled again. I was beginning to get frustrated and I didn't know why. Suddenly he replied "I'm just glad your here". I laughed. "Well Hugo... I'm truly grateful I'm here too".
We fell asleep on the sofa. My head pressed on his chest, listening to his heart beat. The feeling was astonishing and I felt like I heard his heart for a lifetime. I was so intrigued in his beating heart, I didn't notice I had been awake the full time. 2 hours I spent listening to his beautiful heart. I think he realised I was awake and he dramatically forced his eyes open. However I hadn't noticed he was awake. He watched my hands stroke down his stomach. He began to breath heavily, that's when I realised he was awake. I lifted my head ever so slowly in case he was still asleep. But our eyes met, and he stressfully said "hello", I also stressfully said "hello". That little word was all it took to make us both laugh, that's what we enjoyed doing the most. He took my hand and muttered "come, I need to show you something" i gave him a confused face. He dragged me up and took me outside. By this point i truly didn't have any idea what he wanted to show me at 2am in the morning. "Sit down" he continued. I nodded my head ever so slightly. He sat down next to me and wrapped his warming arms around my waist. I still didn't know what i was supposed to be looking at. He moved my head upwards . A smile lighted my face. "It's beautiful" i said. "It is isn't it" he laughed. We fell back and I cuddled into him as we watched the stars pass by. "Why did you show me this" I asked. He whispered " because the amount of stars in space don't even add up to how much you mean to me. I love you Emily Grace Lansome". That was the first time he said my full name and said I love you. I didn't want to reply, I wanted him to keep saying it. But i knew I had to reply sooner or later " I love you too Hugo Bell Oak-field".
Sadly we had to go back inside, I wanted to stay out there forever but this was reality where things don't last forever. We climbed into bed and tried to get a little bit of sleep. We drifted off for while. But something woke me up and I could feel tears streaming down my face rapidly. I couldn't figure out what was wrong, but I was just hiding the truth. A voice muttered in my ear "what's wrong?". I huffed "I really don't know" but we both knew what it was.
"Why?" I cried. "Why me?". He hugged me and began to cry too. "You'll get through this" he said but I replied "how do you get through cancer?!"
